Here's Your Holiday

Zoe Writes Her First Song

2008-11-06T15:50:00.003-05:00

Okay...I'm giving Zoe a bath after school today:

Zoe: "Dad, can I sing you a song I wrote myself?"

Me: "You wrote a song?"

Zoe: "Yes."

Me: "I'd love to hear it. By all means...sing."

Zoe (singing): "I love my fa-mi-ly. Mom-my and Gabe-and-me."

Me (aghast): "What about me? I'm part of your family too!"

Zoe: "Oh, yeah...I forgot."

Gee...thanks, kid!

Today's Big Election News

2008-10-09T15:59:00.004-04:00

WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS!

Oh, yeah. The Dow totally tanked, too. But, more importantly...

WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS!

Shut Up About "Lipstick On A Pig"

2008-09-10T08:50:00.012-04:00

We should've seen this coming. Everybody knows that Barack Obama and John McCain are going to hug it out together for the 9/11 anniversary tomorrow. Mutual praise will be dished out and both candidates will decry how the campaign has turned ugly and stupid while promising a "fresh start." Of course, that means you have to spend the days leading up to 9/11 slinging as much mud over the transom as possible. Today (9/10), in fact, is "How Low Can You Go?" day. McCain gives us a detestable "ad" casting Obama as a leering perv who wants to teach kindergarten kids about sex. Obama, shockingly, returns fire by calling McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin, a pig. Well...except he didn't. He said, correctly, that trying to pass off four more years of Republican rule as "change" was like trying to put lipstick on a pig. That's what he said. Read it yourself. If you see Sarah Palin being called a pig in there somewhere, then you're being all touchy-feely sensitive and easily offended. And we Democrats will not stand for that kind of brazen encroachment on our emotional property. [...sniff...]

Seriously, Republicans? Shut up about this one. S...T...EFF...U. Barack Obama most certainly did not call Sarah Palin a pig. So knock off the fake righteous indignation. Stop clutching your pearls and frantically fanning yourselves over something you clearly don't really believe. It's pathetic coming from a socio-political class that revels in tough talk from their chickenhawk pissboys in nutbar talk-radio. I mean, just think about it. What is the one thing you guys resent the most about Obama? The one thing that scares you to death? No, no...the other thing. The fact that he's smart. For a guy as smart as Barack Obama to suddenly decide to call Sarah Palin a name with the whole goddamn world watching would take nothing less than a complete break with political reality. Or a suicidal urge to torpedo his own campaign. And if he did have that break with political reality...or he did want to torpedo his own campaign...don't you think he'd at least get his money's worth and call her a lying twatwaffle? It's crap. You don't believe it...so shut up about it.

Hell, I'm willing to go on record: Sarah Palin is not a pig.

As far as I know.

The Rifleman...Holy Crap!

2008-09-06T21:53:00.006-04:00

I recently picked up an el cheapo DVD that has four episodes of The Rifleman on it. The Rifleman, for those not familiar, was a TV Western that ran in the late fifties about a widowed rancher named Lucas McCain (Chuck Connors) with a modified Winchester '94 rifle that fired by simply cocking it and a young son named Mark (Johnny Crawford). I remember watching the show as a kid back in the seventies when it ran nightly at 7:00 PM on channel 17. Mostly I remember that bad-ass opening with Chuck Connors firing off ten or so rounds and then walking down the street...reloading and glowering at the camera. Iconic stuff, really.

What I didn't remember, until watching the episodes on the DVD, was that The Rifleman was hands-down one of the most violent shows in the history of television...and I mean that in an incredibly awesome way. I want the whole series now...even though the plots are rather formulaic, to say the least. The four half-hour(!) episodes on the DVD play out like this:

- Lucas and Mark are working on something at the ranch. A need to run into town arises. They go into town together.

- Once in town, they are immediately accosted by 8-10 roughnecks who make fun of Lucas for not carrying a pistol. Lucas brandishes his rifle and warns them that he could, if properly provoked, shoot every damn one of them in the chest at point-blank range before they could even draw their sidearms.

- The roughnecks don't appreciate being talked to like that. They plan to follow Lucas and Mark home and get the drop on them at nightfall.

- That night, Lucas puts Mark to bed. The roughnecks break in and, sure enough, they have the drop on Lucas...that is, until Mark flings open the bedroom door and, in his nightshirt no less, tosses Lucas his rifle.

- Lucas catches the rifle and shoots every damn one of the roughnecks in the chest at point-blank range before they can even draw their sidearms. Then, with the corpses of the dead still strewn everywhere around the house, he gently puts Mark back to bed with a kiss to the forehead.

Check out the YouTube below for a taste of The Rifleman. He even shoots Sammy Davis Jr. in the chest at point-blank range in this video. I swear I think a young Sam Peckinpah must've directed some of this stuff. "Eat hot lead, Hoss and Little Joe!" BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!

(Edited to add: Since this was posted over the weekend, I've learned that...yes, indeed...Sam Peckinpah not only directed over a half-dozen first season episodes...but he, in fact, created and developed the concept of The Rifleman as a television series!)

What Community Organizers Do

2008-09-04T22:08:00.008-04:00

First of all...thank you, Lord, for one last opportunity to tee off on that philandering and fear-mongering dirtbag Rudy Giuliani (pictured). Rudy said in his RNC speech last night that he doesn't know what a community organizer does. This, of course, got a big laugh from the almost 100% rich-ass, white crowd. First of all, from where does Rudy Giulani derive the moral authority to question anybody about anything? This is a schmuck whose organizational skills include organizing NYPD and State Patrol escorts for his mistress on the taxpayers' dime. If the Republicans actually put any stock in this "family values" claptrap that they pander to the Christian right with, Rudy would never even make it onto the stage. He'd be up in the cheap seats, next to Levi "fuckin' redneck" Johnston, swapping roofie stories and shocker techniques. Instead, since it was Red Meat Night at the RNC, they decided to trot out Mitt Romney and Rudy, two already despised-and-rejected Republican primary washouts, to show their asses. Mittens was his usual douchey self, leaving a trail of vinegary footprints to and from the podium...but Rudy had a question. So let's answer it.

What do community organizers do? Well, Rudy...do you remember, back in 1988, how George W. Bush used his State of the Union address to urge idealistic young people to step in and fill the gaping void left in social services by Reagan-era budget cuts? That's exactly what Barack Obama did on Chicago's South Side. He went in there and assured workers who had lost their jobs that they were not forgotten. He convinced successful businesspeople to invest in at-risk neighborhoods. He registered tons of voters and invested them in the political process. He offered hope and optimism to people who needed it badly. Obama was, in fact, what Bush himself (with a little help from noted wordsmith Peggy Noonan) referred to as a Point of Light. Now you Republicans...Rudy, Mitt, Sarah, McCain...you go ahead and mock that all you want. Beats the hell out of running on the issues for you guys, that's for damn sure.

But, you know what? Now that I think on it...just wait until November 4. On that day, the Republicans will damn skippy find out first-hand what community organizers do.

Random Thoughts On The Palin Speech

2008-09-04T10:27:00.012-04:00

1. She certainly closes up any GOP "arrogance gap" with Obama.

2. Her bland, Peggy Hill-like looks are overrated. Nice stems, though.

3. Evangelicals/Wingnuts will love her act. Swing voters, maybe not.

4. She knows how to deliver a laundry list of Things We Disdain.

5. And now, we'll see how she is with issues.

6. That's right...I forgot...This election isn't about issues.

7. Who's on top of this ticket, anyway? Remind me again.

8. All of a sudden, the GOP now loves good speech-givers?

9. The sarcasm and mockery isn't going to play. Not this year.

Levi Johnston: Hockey Superstar

2008-09-03T15:05:00.006-04:00

"Johnston cuts loose a seed! Straight into the five-hole!"

"Johnston: Two minutes for a below-the-waist check."

"Johnston with the textbook poke check!"

"Johnston's not known as a diver but here's a situation where he would've been much better off just going down."

"Johnston: Five minutes for an illegal butt-ending."

"That goalie should know...you can't close your legs tight enough to keep Johnston out of there."

"Johnston with much more than just the tip of his stick clearly in the crease."

"Johnston got his shaft on the biscuit...just not enough rubber."

About The Obama Speech Tonight

2008-08-28T23:38:00.005-04:00

I'm not sure that I have anything to add to the sentiment expressed so eloquently by the above artwork. I'd love to be able to credit the original creator but, as near as I can tell, it's been floating around the intertubes so freely the last couple of months that its much-deserved creative credit has somehow fallen through the cracks. Whoever you are, be you dude or dudette, you rock.

So I've Got That Goin' For Me...Which Is Nice

2008-08-26T21:57:00.002-04:00

Okay...I'm snuggling up with Zoe as I put her to bed tonight:

Me (whispering): "I've got the best little girl in the whole wide world."

Zoe (whispering): "And I've got the best Daddy in Winterville."

Gee...thanks, kid!

You Down With DNC? (Yeah, You Know Me!)

2008-08-25T10:38:00.004-04:00

With the Democratic convention getting cranked up tonight, I figured it was time to pop off about politics again. I haven't blogged about the presidential race lately because...well, frankly...because the subject tears my nerves up. Look at where we're at now: A Republican president with historically abysmal approval ratings. Democrats holding a big lead in party self-identification. An unpopular war rages on while the economy tanks...all under George W. Bush's watch. And yet, this race is still anybody's for the taking (at least according to the polls) right now. We'll see how things shake down after Labor Day...but I still just can't see McCain shaking all the historical trends working against him in this election. Besides the bad news I just outlined, he also has meta-narratives to overcome. Young always beats old. Change always beats more of the same. Among McCain and Obama supporters, the passion gap is massive. Did you see the response to Obama after his speech in Germany? After the Biden introduction speech? Unreal. Do you see anyone straining, leaning wayyy out over the barricades, extending their fingers as far as they'll stretch...just for a touch from McCain? I mean, the answer to that isn't just "No"...it's "Eww."

But here's some random junk heading into the convention:

- The Republicans are dispatching The Douchenozzle Brothers, Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney, to Denver in hopes of grabbing some press. Way to expend some political capital there, RNC. The two highest-profile flameouts from the Republican primaries. Those two, and their Sunday morning talk show ideological cronies better watch themselves. If the GOP ever wants to get an African-American vote for the next several generations or so, need to be a little more self-aware about how much open enjoyment and delight they seem to be taking while kneeing Obama in the groin.

- It's touching that Senator McCain feels so badly about Hillary being "passed over" for a spot on the Democratic ticket. Of course, he still has a slot open on his own ticket, doesn't he? It'd suit me just fine. I'm fed up with her clenched-teeth praise for Obama, anyway. Oh...and don't forget to take fucking Debra with you, too...

- I like the Biden pick...and I'm praying that McCain takes Romney. Joe would make him cry at the debate. Besides, Mittens would be a never-ending source of 30-second ad fodder.

Quick Thoughts On "The Day"

2008-08-22T16:06:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, "The Day That Never Comes"...the first official, completed track from Metallica's upcoming Death Magnetic album was made available for download. (You can also just stream it on the 'Talllica website, if you prefer.) At first listen...and I say that after several listens, actually...I'd say "TDTNC" sounds like what would happen if "Fade To Black" and "One" had a baby that was raised on the Load album by its foster parents, "The Unforgiven" and "The Unforgiven II." That, by the way, is a compliment. The St. Anger coffee can drums are history, guitar solos are back in a big way and...good god...Het's soaring lead vocal is to die for. A very nice surprise given how strained and croaky he's sounded at just about every show this summer (except Bonnaroo...you got a good one, Jamer). There's a suprisingly melodic bassline courtesy of the new guy, Robert Trujillo, and the song simply feels epic.

The biggest issue I had was with the crappy sonic quality of every online version of "TDTNC" I could find. Granted, as is the case with so many MP3s these days, it could be a compression issue. I haven't heard "TDTNC" on the radio yet...but folks on the 'Tallica message boards say that it sounds much better being broadcast. And I imagine that it will sound even better on CD, where the all of the various musical components will have room to breathe. But I'm sure not going to pay a couple of bucks for "TDTNC" on iTunes (a service I hate, anyway) to get something tinny-sounding and clippy. Again though, I gotta reiterate...it's a fantastic song...one that's sure to kill live.

Death Magnetic streets on September 12. So far, so good, boys...

"We Are Nihilists. We Believe In NOTHING!"

2008-08-19T18:03:00.006-04:00

Since the Georgia Bigfoot turned out to be bullshit, I'm not sure I believe in anything, either. Except maybe pro-wrestling. (sniff)

This Old Heart Of Mine [UPDATE]

2008-08-19T17:32:00.002-04:00

I had my regular six-month check-up appointment with my cardiologist today. Things went pretty swimmingly until he remembered that, in addition to the blocked artery that was opened via angioplasty, there was a second artery that wasn't blocked yet...but one that he still thought needed to be monitored closely. He flagged me down just as I was getting ready to check out and ordered an immediate Echo Stress Test. Basically, he added an additional hour-and-a-half, much of it to be spent on a freaking treadmill, to the appointment. Great. So, I dutifully did my waiting room time (40 minutes!) before trudging once more into the echo chamber. Chest shaving ensued, along with gluing electrodes to my Sasquatchian upper-torso, smearing me with sticky goo from the ultrasound probe, and...finally...the main event, putting me on a treadmill and trying their goddamndest to make me have another heart attack.

Bottom line? It's all good. The "stented" artery from the angioplasty is holding steady and the other artery showed no signs of any additional placque or blockage. I'm fine...or I'm at least good to go for another six month. Then it'll be time for another nuclear stress test. And I've only got these twice-yearly tests and my 400-pill-per-month routine to look forward to...well...for the rest of my life, actually. If it means more time with Lauren and the kids, it's all hella worth it. Speaking of Lauren, there was one bit of terrific medical news from Dr. Agrawal today. The last thing he said to me, in fact...just as he headed out the door of the examination room: "Oh...and remember, make love every night." Sorry, baby. Doctor's orders.

Please, Lord...Let Me Have This One Thing

2008-08-14T15:37:00.009-04:00

Offering up further proof that there's absolutely nothing they can't do, a couple of good ol' boy North Georgia shitkickers have done gone out and bagged themselves a Bigfoot. In the North Georgia mountains, no less. (Up yours, Pacific Northwest!) As you can see in the linked article, the naysayers are already out in full force...but look at that picture and tell me that's not a genuine, by-God Bigfoot. Believe me, I've seen Harry And The Hendersons enough times on HBO to know a Bigfoot when I see one. Besides, I need this to be real. The aliens are never gonna land on the White House lawn. Apparently, Nessie's never going to rise up out of the Loch and go all Cloverfield on Scotland. But is it really that much of a stretch to think there might be some kind of woolybooger out there in the woods? Come through for me, fellers. I want to believe.

Hand Over Heart, All Together Now

2008-08-13T10:12:00.002-04:00

Juro fidelidad a la bandera
de los Estados Unidos de América,
y a la república que representa
una nación bajo Dios,
indivisible cón libertad
y justicía para todós.

Suck it, Dr. Broun.

Punch-Love Drunk

2008-08-12T09:23:00.006-04:00

I love boxing. To me, there's nothing more exciting than the night of a big fight. Order the pay-per-view, invite some friends, pop the corn and chill the Cokes. We haven't done that in a long time...basically because there hasn't been a fight worth ordering in the last decade or so (that's a subject for another rant)...but the house parties we threw for the Bowe-Holyfield trilogy of fights are among my favorite sports memories. So you think I'd love Olympic boxing. I mean, look at the list of Team USA alumni: Evander Holyfield, Oscar De La Hoya, Joe Frazier, Sugar Ray Leonard, Pernell Whitaker, George Foreman, Roy Jones Jr., some guy named Cassius Clay...and that's barely scratching the surface.

But Olympic boxing, with its ludicrous electronic scoring system, makes me tear my hair out. There are five judges, each armed with a little gamepad-looking device that they use for tallying "clean" punches. Boxer A lands a clean punch...push Button A. It sounds simple enough...but, my god, where to begin with the glitches in scoring a fight this way? First of all, it devalues overall ring generalship and defense. What is boxing, anyway? I mean, for generations it's been nicknamed "the noble art of self-defense." What are the last instructions given by the referee before the opening bell? Is it "Remember, throw as many punches as you humanly can"? No...it's "Remember, defend yourself at all times."

Secondly, there are no extra points given for knockdowns. Inexplicable. Then there's the matter of flurries. What happens when there is a flurry of punches (a rapid-fire back-and-forth exchange) between the two fighters? Can any judge evaluate whether ten shots thrown in quick succession by two men are "clean" or not? Of course, that depends on the individual judge's definition of "clean"...which is another problem unto itself. I've seen this scenario countless times in the last couple of days: Boxer A throws a big shot. Boxer B gets his arm up to defend himself agains the shot. Boxer A's punch ends up landing 80% on Boxer B's arm and glancing 20% off the top of his head, harmlessly. The scoreboard tallies a point for Boxer A. Infuriating.

Yes, I know 10-point-must scoring (in which the winner of a round is awarded 10 points while the loser get 9 points or less) can be a farce and it leaves the door wide open for politics to influence the judging. But are you telling me that doesn't happen in gymnastics? In figure skating? And as these Olympic kids come through the system, learning to throw as many punches as they can per round with no regard for ring generalship, they aren't going to be worth watching by the time they matriculate to the professional ranks. Awarding fights purely on the basis of the number of punches thrown flat-out sucks. It lowers Olympic boxing, allegedly the pinnacle of amateur competition, down to the level of Toughman tournaments in backwater dives. Bring back "real" judging.

Hey, don't just take my word for it:

Farcical and Shameless Olympic Boxing Scoring Goes On.

Britain Coach Blasts Judges After 'Stupid' Scoring in Murray Defeat.

Boxing Judges Under Fire Again From Australians in Beijing.

She's Leaving Home (For A Few Hours, Anyway)

2008-08-01T21:27:00.008-04:00

I know, I know...I promised from Jump Street that I wouldn't do any "Daddy Blogging." But this is a big event. Things are about to change and stay changed for the next 14 years. Long story short? I just can't wrap my head around Zoe starting Pre-K next week. Has it really been four years since I picked her up for the first time? All 3-pounds-and-change of her (she was born six weeks ahead of schedule). I can't stand for her to be out of my sight. When she spends the night over at "Grammy's house," I wonder what she's doing...what she's thinking...what she's eating or drinking...when she's going to bed...is she asleep yet? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? And now I'm getting ready to turn her over, for six hours every day, to people I don't know. People I've never even met (not yet, anyway).

Of course, Zoe's over the moon about the whole thing. She can't wait. She talks about all the little friends she's going to make...all of her future sleepover pals. Me? I obsess over crazy little details like, "Who's going to open those big school doors for her? Do they have somebody who does that?" Let me tell you...the folks are going to love me at Open House next week at Winterville Elementary when I whip that one out. Actually, who am I kidding? They've heard all the stupid questions many times over. They're very lucky. They're getting one swell kid in Zoe Jane Holcomb. I'm even sure that I'll eventually stop thinking about them as The Lousy Bastards Who Are Taking My Baby Girl Away.

Meanwhile, it'll be Gabey and me holding down the fort during the day. Total Sausage Fest. We'll be able to watch Superman and wrestling DVDs all day. Best of all, though? I'll be getting him dressed after lunch so we can go pick up his big sister from Pre-K. Those two....let me tell you...people ask me all the time how much I enjoy taking care of the two of them. And I always give them the same answer, "Dude...it's totally the other way around."

This Is Sooo Not Me

2008-07-31T22:10:00.003-04:00

Once? I chuckle at it. Twice? Okay...weird. But three times in the last week or so, I've been on the receiving end of e-mails intended for this guy. Once about donating some autographed CDs to charity and two booking inquiries. While I briefly considered sending my prospective bookers a lengthy and lurid contract rider demanding a dressing room stocked with midget porn, every lubricant known to man, and a 55-gallon drum of pure grain alcohol, I ended up shooting them back a politely worded "You got the wrong Mike Holcomb" missive. I can only wonder if Gospel Mike ever gets e-mails ragging him about being a pro-wrestling fan and urging him to update his damn blog every once in a while.

50 Random Thoughts On "The Dark Knight"

2008-07-25T21:29:00.009-04:00

After refusing to wade into the record-breaking opening weekend crowds and being severe thunderstormed-out on two previous attempts earlier this week, I finally saw The Dark Knight last night. Multiple geekgasms. Twenty-four hours later, there are so many ideas and impressions spinning around in my head that I don't think I'd be able to write a coherent proper review. So I turn to the blogger's best friend...the big honkin' list. Most of these items are positive...but there are a few nitpicks and one or two actual complaints. (WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND...Don't read this if you haven't seen TDK and you want to be unspoiled. Fair warning.) Let's get after it:

1. A week of reading glowing reviews and talking to friends who had seen it left me wondering if The Dark Knight could live up to the hype and if it had any surprises for me left in it. Well, it blew past the hype and...yes...there were plenty of surprises.

2. It is easily the best comic book hero movie ever made (moving past, for my money, Spider-Man 2 and X2: X-Men United).

3. TDK is also one of the very best crime dramas I've ever seen. It is very densely plotted and features many lengthy procedural segments. It's nice to see The World's Greatest Detective doing some actual detective work.

4. Heath Ledger created a Joker who had audience members visibly squirming every time he got within arm's length of another onscreen character. If you thought Jack Nicholson was more clown than Clown Prince of Crime, then TDK's (and Ledger's) Joker is good for what ails you.

5. Aaron Eckhart comes close to stealing the movie as Gotham D.A. Harvey Dent. This is a Batman movie featuring Harvey Dent...in which you end up rooting for him to not become Two-Face. It's a heartbreaking character arc and a terrific performance from Eckhart.

6. Director Christopher Nolan, showing off his flair for verisimilitude and realism, leaves the origin of The Joker up in the air (no vat of acid) and gives Harvey Dent pre-scarring references to his lucky coin and the nickname "Two-Face." Very well-done.

7. A recurring notion for me throughout TDK was the film's many callbacks and seeming homages to the work of legendary director John Ford. For instance, the memorial service for Harvey Dent and the covering up of his misdeeds echoed the ceremony and cover-up for Henry Fonda's Lt. Col. Owen Thursday at the end of Ford's Fort Apache. Both characters were buried as "heroes" in the interest of maintaining morale.

8. TDK's composers, Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard came up with a great recurring musical motif for The Joker. Whenever Joker goes into his "Wanna know how I got these scars?" routine, a cacophony of strings begins buzzing like an insect...growing louder and increasingly high-pitched as his tirade continues. It's evocative of Bernard Herrmann's classic work on Psycho.

9. Commissioner Fucking Gordon just rules all. Up until Nolan took over the Batman film franchise, it was infuriating to see what directors Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher had done to Gordon...one of the most vital and interesting characters in the Batman mythology. Gary Oldman's Gordon gets it so right...kicking ass on his own and serving as Batman's closest battlefield ally.

10. I also love Nolan and Christian Bale's fresh take on Bruce Wayne...making him a raging, narcissistic asshole. This schmuck is the last guy in Gotham you'd suspect of being Batman.

11. Lucius Fox's response to Bruce's request for a new cowl: "You want to be able to turn your head, don't you?" I know that Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, and George Clooney...none of whom were able to turn their heads even an inch in their Bat-suits...got a laugh out of that line.

12. That said...I wasn't nuts about the new, helmet-style cowl. Or the new suit in general.

13. More John Ford: The debate over who was the better choice for handling lawlessness, the lawyer or the vigilante?...was also a prevalent theme in Ford's The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

14. As much as I admired Zimmer and Howard's work, I'm bugged that Nolan's films don't feature an instantly recognizable "Batman Theme." Danny Elfman's Batman theme (from the Burton films) is one of my all-time favorite pieces of movie music.

15. In the acting department, I guess Maggie Gyllenhaal is a step or two up from Katie Holmes in Batman Begins. In the looks department? Many, many steps down.

16. The Bat-Pod, while cool, was impractically designed. One of these days, Batman is going to get his cape caught in the back tire. Put a fender on that thing before your neck gets snapped, Bruce!

17. Michael Caine = Best. Alfred. Ever.

18. More John Ford: The skyscrapers of Gotham and the streets below served to frame the film's action every bit as much as the ever-present mesas and valleys in Ford's films.

19. Eric Roberts. I'm just always happy to see Eric Roberts in anything. One of the immortal hambones of modern cinema. Refer to The Pope of Greenwich Village for further proof.

20. So many reviewers have referred to TDK's ending as bleak and hopeless. The people of Gotham defied The Joker. They didn't "eat each other" when given the opportunity, as he predicted they would. That's a very hopeful ending.

21. I would've loved more Cillian Murphy...but even bringing back Scarecrow for just a cameo was a nice touch.

22. Looks like Gotham didn't rebuild that ultra mack daddy elevated train system from Batman Begins.

23. The mayor of Gotham was a total dink. Aren't all mayors in movies dinks? Who was the last heroic or even sympathetic mayor in a movie?

24. And the mayor was played by Nestor Carbonell...who played Batman knockoff "Bat Manuel" in the live-action TV version of The Tick. Ha, ha!

25. The opening bank heist reminded me of Heat.

26. Having William Fichtner on hand as the badass, shotgun-wielding, mob bank manager reminded me of Heat.

27. Batman and The Joker ending up across a table from each other reminded me of Heat.

28. I loved the film's emphasis on real-time practical special effects. (Of course, when the DVD comes out, I'll probably learn that most of it was actually CGI...)

29. More John Ford: The decision to cover-up Harvey Dent's crimes was, I thought, a callback to the famous "Print the legend" ending of The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

30. I didn't think the Coleman Reese subplot was fleshed out properly. I've seen speculation online that Reese's character might become The Riddler. Ehhh...I don't see it.

31. While watching TDK, I never really thought about Ledger's death until The Joker's line to Batman near the end of the film: "I think you and I are destined to do this forever." If only...

32. I have to give credit to Ain't It Cool News Talkbacker "antonphd" for coming up with the idea originally...but, fuck yes, Aaron Eckhart for Captain America. That movie's already on the books...sign Eckhart up for it, taco pronto.

33. Batman = The Dark Knight. Harvey Dent = "Gotham's White Knight." Again...good stuff.

34. Spontaneous audience applause when Gordon turns up alive and nabs The Joker. I can't remember the last time I heard that kind of reaction in a theater.

35. Why does the Batmobile always have to get destroyed? And they totaled a Lamborghini! My inner gearhead was crying...

36. After Batman saved Rachel from falling...he didn't seem too concerned about Bruce Wayne's guests still being terrorized upstairs by The Joker and his gang, did he?

37. Memo to Christopher Nolan: Listen. No Robin. Ever. This is non-negotiable.

38. Another intriguing online discussion/controversy: Is Harvey Dent dead? Or was he shipped out to Arkham Asylum while Gotham was told he was dead? We know Commissioner Gordon has no qualms about conspiracies and cover-ups. Hell, we thought he was dead for half the movie...

39. Heath Ledger will win that posthumous Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Etch it in stone.

40. And I won't be surprised if Aaron Eckhart is nominated for the same award. Hell, I'll be disappointed if he isn't.

41. I can't believe Wal-Mart and Target are chockablock with TDK toys. You are nuts...NUTS...if you take a child under the age of 13 or so to this flick. This sucker is a hard PG-13.

42. "Watch me make this pencil disappear."

43. There's never been a comic book hero movie with TDK's body count. The stakes are raised every time The Joker strikes and there is a genuine feeling of helplessness at the film's end with the bomb-rigged ferryboats and the hostages in the high-rise.

44. Having a morally uncompromised character like Lucius Fox (and a universally beloved actor like Morgan Freeman), clash with Bruce/Batman over the ethics of his methodology gave that particular conflict a ton of credibility.

45. Another memo to Nolan: Don't even think of re-casting The Joker at some point. Heath Ledger retired the jersey. Maybe a decade or so down the road...if a movie adaptation of The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel is ever made...maybe then I'd accept another actor as an aged Joker.

46. I get serious Patrick Bateman/American Psycho (a movie I love, BTW) flashbacks whenever Bale goes into "asshole Bruce Wayne" mode. Fire up some Huey Lewis and The News..."Is that a raincoat you're wearing?"

47. As much as I loved TDK, I actually think the mental image I'll carry most vividly from that night at the movies is the little kid on Ben Stiller's shoulders, stabbing him repeatedly in the neck, from the Tropic Thunder trailer. That movie looks piss-yourself hilarious.

48. Nice character-establishment moment: Bruce Wayne dumping his drink off the side of the building at the Harvey Dent fundraiser. Bruce knows he could be eye-to-eye with rough trade at any time of any night. He can't be impaired.

49. One more shout-out for Aaron Eckhart before signing off. I, too, believe in Harvey Dent.

50. If you haven't seen The Dark Knight yet, do so at your earliest convenience.

Heard Any Good "Knock Knock" Jokes Lately?

2008-07-23T10:43:00.004-04:00

Stone-cold serious question. Lately, Zoe's been all about the "knock knock" jokes. She's four now....and she's experiencing the zazz of a well-delivered punch line for the first time. I have no doubt that she's well on the way to becoming Winterville Elementary Pre-K's Ralph Malph when she starts in a couple of weeks. Like all good raconteurs, Zoe is down with the classics. Here are the hot "knock knock"-ers in her rotation right now:

- "Dwayne." "Dwayne who?" "Dwayne the bathtub...I'm dwowning!"

- "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry. It's just a silly 'knock knock' joke."

- "Little old lady." "Little old lady who?" "I didn't know you could yodel."

- And the meta zinger: "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

So, back to the question...Anybody heard any good "knock knock" jokes lately? Give me some fresh material while Zoe still has time to work on it before Pre-K starts. Remember, she's only four years old...so don't be suggesting the blue stuff. That means you, "Dick Hertz." (Pic courtesy of The Rip Post)

2009 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: My Picks

2008-07-22T21:28:00.009-04:00

The main "official" criteria for Rock and Roll Hall of Fame eligibility is the 25-year rule. It has to be 25 years since your first record was released. Bearing that in mind and looking at the acts becoming eligible this year, I see three no-brainer, mortal locks for induction:

- Stevie Ray Vaughn

- Run-D.M.C.

- The Smiths

Since that's kind of a tiny class, why not use this year's ballot as an opportunity to correct a couple of semi-glaring omissions? Taking into account the 25-year rule, and factoring in the additional qualifications of influence and popularity (not to mention the amazing longevity of one of these two acts), I would close out my 2009 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ballot with:

- The Cars

- Cheap Trick

The Cars were by far the biggest-selling New Wave/skinny-tie band. And they didn't wear out their welcome...six albums and out. "Just What I Needed" still jumps out of the radio at you today just like it did the day it was released. Heartbeat City was one of the essential albums of the eighties. They managed to make some of the most innovative and enjoyable videos of MTV's heyday despite not having a thimble of charisma between all five members of the band combined. The dudes from Fountains of Wayne (hey, "Stacy's Mom" sounds like it came straight from side two of The Cars' Candy-O) could handle the induction duties.

Cheap Trick would have to take a rare night off to be inducted. They're still out there...playing 200-plus nights a year just as they have for the past three decades. They are responsible for "Surrender," the most underrated rock anthem of all time. They had that amazing run of Heaven Tonight, Live At Budokan, and Dream Police. They were glam. They were New Wave. They were metal. They were pop. They oughtta be in the Hall. I'm sure die-hard Trickster Billy Corgan would be pleased to deliver a few induction remarks on their behalf.

My Little Lizard King

2008-07-22T15:25:00.010-04:00

Looks like Gabriel just checked into the Morrison Hotel:

And, much like Morrison, Gabe is prone to whipping his penis

out at the most unexpected and inopportune of moments. I'll

also be shocked if his first complete sentence is anything other

than, "Father...I want to kill you. Mother...I want to fuck you!"

In Defense of St. Anger

2008-07-19T14:25:00.007-04:00

The last entry here at HYH, in which I listed my favorite albums for each year of my life, prompted the following comment from Jamie:

You gotta be kidding about St. Anger... You know I'm down with Metallica but I hated that album with a fucking passion... Listened to it once and shelved it.

I know that a defense of Metallica's 2003 album, St. Anger, will probably be met with the kind of skepticism usually reserved for articles with titles like "Charles Manson, Misunderstood Sweetie" and "The Crucifixion: Why Not One More Nail Through The Forehead?" Given that, it's important to note that...despite what you may read on Metallica fanboy message boards...St. Anger was not universally reviled upon its release. Far from it, in fact. Rolling Stone magazine gave the album 4-out-of-5 stars. Entertainment Weekly called it Metallica's best record since 1991's "The Black Album." The UK's New Musical Express says it's "an immense statement of superiority." The problem, according to so many of the Metallica faithful, was that it wasn't the desperately-hoped-for return to Kill 'Em All/Ride The Lightning-style thrash. Instead, it was a document of a breakdown and a damn-near breakup. It was Metallica, warts and all.

And, to be perfectly honest, it's an album that...like Jamie...I wasn't nuts about at all upon first listen. Just like I wasn't nuts about the first Ramones album the first time I heard it. Or The Velvet Underground's White Light/White Heat. Or the first Clash album. Or any other number of classic albums that took time to "get." I didn't "get" St. Anger until I saw the acclaimed Metallica documentary Some Kind of Monster. "Frantic," a song that reads like a postcard from rehab, didn't resonate with me until I learned first hand about James Hetfield's nine-month exile from Metallica, during which he finally confronted his alcoholism. Watching James go nose-to-nose with drummer Lars Ulrich brought home the line about being "madly in anger with you" from the title track. I don't want to say the movie and the album are indispensable from each other...but, much like The Beatles' Let It Be movie and album, they each fill in a lot of the other's blanks.

Granted, there are plenty of things to dislike about St. Anger. Jamie and I haven't talked about this...but I know that with Jamie being a drummer, he is rightly and very much correctly dismayed about the album's drum sound. Holy crap...it's like Lars is pounding on coffee cans. There's an audible "PING" with every snare shot that is downright headache-inducing. Then, there's the lack of guitar solos...on a METALLICA album. Come on, not even I was down with that. Producer Bob Rock filling in on bass? Fucking yikes! Here's what I would recommend to Jamie, and anyone else willing to give St. Anger another listen: Take the DVD of rehearsals that was included with the CD release and rip the sound from it. I swear the songs come to life like a sumbitch. You get for-real drums. You get new bassist Rob Trujillo thumping his fingers off. Kirk Hammett improvises a few solos. The soundtrack from the rehearsals DVD is the real St. Anger, as far as I'm concerned.

And, you know what? I didn't even buy that many albums in 2003. So there.

My Official Yearly Record(s)

2008-07-14T15:30:00.004-04:00

All the cool bloggers are doing it...so why not me? An album from each year of my existence on this planet. Other folks may have their own criteria...mine was simple. First, I had to own it...and I did find, to my kinda surprise, that I actually do own albums from every year since my birth...and I had to like it a lot. I went back and perused critics' favorites lists from 1961-on and picked the highest-ranked album that I listened to the most. Simple as that. Be forewarned...I won't be fronting about how much I love hip-hop or pimping the indie flavor of that year. In fact, I'm pretty sure you'll find my tastes to be almost aggressively middlebrow. So...with all that in mind...here we go:

1961 - Sinatra's Swingin' Session (Frank Sinatra)
1962 - Sinatra and Strings (Frank Sinatra)
1963 - The Concert Sinatra (Frank Sinatra)
1964 - A Hard Day's Night (The Beatles)
1965 - Rubber Soul (The Beatles)
1966 - Pet Sounds (The Beach Boys)
1967 - The Velvet Underground and Nico (Velvet Underground)
1968 - The Beatles [aka The White Album] (The Beatles)
1969 - Tommy (The Who)
1970 - Deja Vu (Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young)
1971 - Who's Next (The Who)
1972 - Harvest (Neil Young)
1973 - The Dark Side of the Moon (Pink Floyd)
1974 - Walls and Bridges (John Lennon)
1975 - Born To Run (Bruce Springsteen)
1976 - Ramones (The Ramones)
1977 - Rocket To Russia (The Ramones)
1978 - Darkness on the Edge of Town (Bruce Springsteen)
1979 - The Wall (Pink Floyd)
1980 - The River (Bruce Springsteen)
1981 - Beauty and the Beat (The Go-Go's)
1982 - Under the Big Black Sun (X)
1983 - Murmur (REM)
1984 - Purple Rain (Prince and The Revolution)
1985 - Tales of the New West (The Beat Farmers)
1986 - Life's Rich Pageant (REM)
1987 - The Joshua Tree (U2)
1988 - ...And Justice For All (Metallica)
1989 - New York (Lou Reed)
1990 - Ragged Glory (Neil Young)
1991 - Metallica (Metallica)
1992 - Automatic for the People (REM)
1993 - Siamese Dream (Smashing Pumpkins)
1994 - Definitely Maybe (Oasis)
1995 - And Out Come the Wolves (Rancid)
1996 - Fountains of Wayne (Fountains of Wayne)
1997 - OK Computer (Radiohead)
1998 - Hey! Album (Marvelous 3)
1999 - From Here To Eternity Live (The Clash)
2000 - In The Flesh (Roger Waters)
2001 - Is This It (The Strokes)
2002 - The Rising (Bruce Springsteen)
2003 - St. Anger (Metallica)
2004 - Smile (Brian Wilson)
2005 - Devils and Dust (Bruce Springsteen)
2006 - We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions (Bruce Springsteen)
2007 - Magic (Bruce Springsteen)
2008 (so far) - Flight of the Conchords (Flight of the Conchords)

If Hillary's Pissed-Off Female Supporters Really Do Jump To McCain...

2008-06-16T12:26:00.002-04:00

...doesn't that say just as much about her "uneducated stupid people" problem as it does about Obama's supposed "angry white women" problem?

Reason To Believe

2008-04-26T08:54:00.010-04:00

Other than the crap from Kenny Bania, it was an amazing night at Philips Arena. Bruce was calling more audibles than Peyton Manning. Over a half-dozen deviations from the posted set list. Here we go:

Blood Brothers - Not actually played live...but used as background music for a very moving Danny Federici tribute video that played as Bruce and the band took the stage. Watch it here.

Reason To Believe - A new, thumping "Sprit In The Sky"-inspired arrangement.

Out In The Street - Audible. I prefer "OITS" a little later in the set. Very minor quibble, though.

Radio Nowhere - Holy crap did this ever smoke! I've never seen Mighty Max throwing his head back and getting all Keith Moon on his kit like he did tonight for "RN."

No Surrender - Audible...and always welcome. Two buddies in their forties in front of me hugged at the "we swore blood brothers against the wind, now I'm ready to grow young again" line. Awwwwwwwe. Seriously, it was a sweet moment.

Blinded By The Light - Audible. Played in tribute to Danny.

Your Own Worst Enemy - Rarely played on this tour. My favorite song from Magic.

Trapped - Awesome. Crowd screaming along. Nobody's sitting down yet.

Murder Incorporated - Audible.

Prove It All Night - Incredible, mind-blowing guitar solo by Nils here.

She's The One - Great Bo Diddley pound-down by Max. We're still not sitting.

Livin' In The Future - Politically charged intro gets 100% positive reaction. I guess the folks bugged by Bruce's politics have simply stopped coming to the shows. Cool. That's more seats for true believers.

The Promised Land - On the set list but an audible in terms of order. "TPL" was supposed to be the third song.

Bobby Jean - Audible. Taken from crowd sign.

Point Blank - And we finally get to sit down and catch our breath.

Devil's Arcade - A little bit of a mass exodus. The crowd has clearly chosen "DA" as tonight's bathroom break song.

The Rising - And we're on our feet again. Nils kinda biffs up the "dream of life" part. He's a little off the beat.

Last To Die - This song really kills live, too. The Magic stuff is really holding its own against the classic hits.

Long Walk Home - See above.

Badlands - Mayhem ensues. Great "whoa-oh" crowd participation during the instrumental break.

(Encore Time)

Thunder Road - Audible in terms of set list placement. Taken from crowd sign.

Born To Run - House lights up, naturally. More mayhem. And just when you think it can't get any more frenzied...

Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) - Audible. Taken from crowd sign. It's a madhouse. Philips Arena is absolutely up for grabs at this point.

Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out - Audible. The band tried to leave after "Rosalita" but Bruce stops them. No break...one long encore.

American Land - Including band introductions. Sensational closer for an amazing set.

I really don't know how much longer Bruce and the band can keep this up. Like I said yesterday, these guys aren't getting any younger (and seeing Clarence, who has battled health problems, retreating to an on-stage comfy chair so many times was a little unsettling). But damned if they didn't tear the place up one more time for me last night. I'll figure out where it fits in the overall ranking of Bruce shows I've seen after I've had time to ruminate on it a little bit. All I know right now is I showed a little faith and there was magic in the night again. Bruce has still never, ever let me down. Not once. If you get a chance to see this show...go. You owe it to yourself.

First Of All...Up Yours, Kenny Bania

2008-04-26T08:36:00.005-04:00

Tickets blew out so fast for Bruce on the day they went on sale that, in order to get decent seats, Lauren and I bought single seats that were four rows apart (if we'd bought two together, they would've been up in the rafters). So we figured that on the night of the show, someone who was on my row as a single would be more than willing to trade up four rows, that is...be four rows closer to the stage, mind you...and Lauren and I would've been able to sit together.

So, we get to Philips Arena last night and my row is filling up with groups...except for one seat. The seat next to me. I'm thinking, "Oh man...this couldn't be working out better." Finally, about ten minutes before the lights go down, the dude with the seat next to me shows up. Yes, he's alone. Perfect, right? Well, this Kenny Bania (pictured) from Seinfeld-looking jerk refuses to trade up. No good reason given. He just won't do it. He's there by himself and he won't even consider improving his seat/view by four rows to do a solid for a fellow Bruce fan.

You, sir, are an asshole. And I hope you got a flat tire on the way home.

Sorry. Just had to vent.

Tonight

2008-04-25T09:58:00.012-04:00

It's weird to walk around in the morning knowing that it's going to be one of the most unforgettable days of your life. Yep...It's finally Bruce Day. And I know it's going to be unforgettable because every Bruce concert I've ever attended is permanently etched in my memory. I can tell you who I went with, where we ate, set lists, what every member of the E Street Band was wearing. All of it...absolutely indelible.

The set lists for this particular leg of the Magic tour have been something to behold. Songs from The River that haven't been played in years are turning up. Epic ballads like "Racing In The Street" and "Jungleland" are being played. "Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)" has been in the regular encore rotation. How I would love to hear "Jungleland" live one more time. You just don't know how many more chances you're going to get to see this amazing band in action...especially given the untimely death of "Phantom Dan" Federici...I can't help but wonder if that's the reason some of these seminal, definitive E Street classics are being dusted off. These guys are all well north of fifty years old now. How long can they keep "burnin' down the road"?

But that's not a question for today. Or, more importantly, for tonight.

Hell all day they're busting you up on the outside

But tonight you're gonna break on through to the inside

And it'll be right, it'll be right, and it'll be tonight

Hyblmania Is Runnin' Wild!

2008-04-21T12:39:00.006-04:00

My pal, neighbor, and the pride of Winterville, former UGA great and now professional golfer Ryan Hybl, just had himself one pretty amazing weekend at the Athens Regional Foundation Classic. The tournament, a stop on the PGA's Nationwide Tour, was held over at Jennings Mill Country Club in Bogart and Ryan, who's currently splitting his time between the Hooters and Tarheel tours, was granted an exemption to be one of seven former UGA players in the field.

On Friday, playing in the final group, Ryan was flirting with the "cut line" (after two rounds, the field is cut to the top sixty scorers...plus ties) all the way down the back nine. On his eighteenth hole...as the absolute last guy left out on the course playing...he made a clutch birdie to make the weekend cut. Then, yesterday...in the final round, he went out and shot his third consecutive below-par round to finish in a tie for twenty-fifth overall. Not too shabby for a guy making his Nationwide Tour debut. In fact, one of the players Ryan finished tied with was Aussie Paul Gow, the winner of the inaugural ARFC two years ago.

Here's the best part: The Top-25 finish means "Goodbye, Hooters Tour" (at least for now)...he's now automatically entered in the next Nationwide event, the Henrico County Open in Richmond, Virginia. When I stopped by the Hybls' last night for a quick "congratulations," both Ryan and his wife Rebecca were running around like crazy...trying to balance taking in everyone's best wishes with their new, last-minute travel plans for a week in Richmond. "Dude...there are worse problems to have in this world," I reminded him.

I had the honor and fun of following Ryan around Jennings Mill for his opening and closing rounds. Lauren even tagged along on Sunday. We got to meet Ryan's parents and other Team Hybl supporters from around the country. It was a pure blast and I've got no doubt that one day we'll be following him around Sugarloaf or East Lake as a member of the PGA Tour.

Rock Bottom...The Absolute Nadir

2008-04-14T10:56:00.004-04:00

Good god...Hillary Clinton throwing back a shot of Crown Royal. Unless she goes to Indiana today and shows that she can write her name in the snow or she lights up a few farts with some good ol' boys in North Carolina, this has to be the most idiotic stunt yet in a Clinton campaign of pratfalls and falling britches. All of this was, of course, prompted by the undeniable assertion by Barack Obama that a country where seven out of ten people think the country's going in the wrong direction might have a few folks who could accurately be classified as "bitter."

Well...fuck yes, I'm bitter. I'm bitter about the direction of this country and I'm particularly walking around with a permanent bitter beer face because Hillary Clinton is doing her damndest to make sure John McCain takes us down that same road for another four years. Of course McCain is going to make hay out this...but where does the Clinton campaign get off? The only proper response from a fellow Democrat to Obama's remarks should be, "Well...we may be caught up in a heated battle but I damn sure agree that working class Democrats have plenty of effing reasons to be bitter."

I've gone from being resigned to holding my nose and voting for this woman if she steals the nomination to wearing a head-to-toe biohazard suit into the booth. Ive got babies and I fear too much for their future to ever put John McCain within reaching distance of The Button...but dammit Hillary Clinton is pissing me off to no fucking end whatsoever. Don't fall for this crap, Pennsylvania...

First Blood, Baby!

2008-04-06T21:18:00.003-04:00

Is it early, sure? Rain-shortened? Whatever. But
a sweep of the Mets, capped off with Smoltzie
beating Santana (who was also phenomenal, BTW)?
Hell, yeah...I'll take it.

Final Four Predictions

2008-04-05T21:57:00.006-04:00

From what I understand, they also have a men's Final Four. I don't give a good-sized tinnerman's rip about it.

Game One: (1)Stanford vs. (1)Connecticut - I'm not a big believer in Stanford. Never have been. Until proven otherwise upon the court, West Coast women's college basketball is the punk kid sister of the game that is played here back East. Stanford lucked out and played their way into the Final Four against another fraud number-one seed...the team that was awarded the number-one that by all rights should've gone to LSU...Maryland. The Cardinal have a wonderful stud player in Candice Wiggins, who has had a stellar career...but Connecticut has The Future (if not The Present) on their side in All-Everything freshman sensation Maya Moore. Nobody has "D"ed-up on Stanford like Connecticut is going to tomorrow night. The Huskies roll up on The Cardinal in a laugher.

Game Two: (2)LSU vs. Tennessee - Anyone who knows me knows that I have a disdain that borders on the pathological for all things orange and Tennessee. But even I can't take delight in the Lady Vols' superstar and future number-one WNBA draft pick Candace Parker dislocating her shoulder in Tennessee's Elite Eight win over Texas A&M. Parker's shoulder popped out twice against the Aggies and she was clearly ailing when she returned to the game after having it re-set and taped up. That's all the blood in the water LSU's Sylvia Fowles, Erica White and their all-time good guy coach Van Chancellor are going to need to smell. This is LSU's mind-boggling fifth consecutive trip to the Final Four...and they're going to the championship game. The Lady Tigers win a tight one..with a final margin that maybe gets artificially bumped with free throws at the end...over the Lady Vols.

Don't Take Your Guns To Town, Son

2008-04-03T12:49:00.007-04:00

I'm so relieved that I can now finally...legally...pack heat when I bop into Loco's or Beef O'Brady's. After all, one never knows when some no-account, ornery varmint like Liberty Valance (above) is going to show up and knock your chicken fingers basket out of your hands.

And on MARTA, too? Even better. Nobody's taking Pelham One-Two-Three (above) on my vigilant watch. God bless the gold-domers for seeing to it that never again will I have to worry about stepping with the kids into a Chuck E. Cheese outgunned. And to think, most state legislatures use these last-minute proceedings for running through wild-ass, unreasonable crap like allowing an adult to buy a beer on Sunday.

Sadly, "Nature" Takes Its Course

2008-04-01T09:56:00.006-04:00

I've got a friend who ribs me every time I blog about wrestling. I'll hear from him today.

The Post-Ric Flair Era began this morning. After losing his retirement match with Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania on Sunday, they threw "The Nature Boy" one helluva going-away party on RAW last night. They brought out just about all of the former Horsemen (Paul Roma and Steve McMichael were nowhere to be seen, thank god). They brought out the man that Flair has always called his favorite opponent, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. The legends came out: Harley Race, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. The stars of today were introduced: John Cena, Chris Jericho, Triple H, HBK. There were some glaring omissions (where were Terry Funk, Jack Brisco, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, and...imagine the crowd pop if TNA had allowed him to attend...Sting?) but the Horsemen reunion more than made up for it. Of course, Flair's family was also on hand...and I've gotta say, Ric's hot daughters and wives put to shame any of the ring-rat entourages "Naitch" used to have on his arm on TV back in the day. Yowza! Finally, all the wrestlers backstage surrounded the ring and serenaded Flair with a chant of "Thank you, Ric!"

And even though it's rare to ever hear the name "McMahon" and "class" in the same sentence, it was indeed quite classy for Vince and his family to not impose themselves upon a celebration that was clearly meant for "the boys." According to those in attendance in Orlando last night, the McMahons did finally come to the ring after the RAW broadcast had left the air. In addition, The Undertaker also came out after the TV cameras were shut off to pay his respects. If you're a Flair fan, it was a scene you'll never forget...and one that WWE will hopefully release on a DVD at some point.

Without getting too "It's still real to me, dammit!" about the whole thing, I've gotta say...Ric Flair was one of the most important figures of my childhood. When I was a kid, Ric Flair was a legitimate sports icon...just like Muhammad Ali or Hank Aaron. As I grew older and began to look at pro-wrestling with more of a critical eye, I began to appreciate the way Flair made an opponent look like a million bucks. One sloppy and painless-looking elbow from Dusty Rhodes would sent Ric bouncing from ringpost to ringpost like an out-of-control Plinko chip. He carried notable stiffs like Lex Luger and Nikita Koloff to memorable matches. Put him in there with another guy who could go, like Steamboat, and you'd get a 45-minute or hour-long classic from which you'd be afraid to turn away. You might miss one of many "Holy shit!" moments.

As incredible a wrestler as Flair was, he was an even better talker. If you've got the Flair 3-disc DVD set or the 2-disc Four Horsemen DVD set, you can see normally stonefaced badasses like Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson biting their lips and turning away from the camera because they're on the verge of cracking up at some hysterically over-the-top Ric Flair interview. I don't know if Bartlett's Familiar Quotations has made room for "To be the man, you've gotta beat the man" or "Wheelin', dealin', kiss-stealin', limousine-ridin', jet-flyin' son of a gun" yet, but they damn well ought to.

So it's the end of an era for me. I could be an old fart and say I'm done with it now...but, hell, I've quit watching wrestling so many times and always came back that it's pretty clear it's got a hammerlock on me. But this is tough. Real tough. So long, "Naitch." You'll always be real to me, dammit.

The (Not So) Amazing Race

2008-03-29T22:09:00.006-04:00

Well, today was the big race. The first annual Dawg Trot 5K, benefiting the University of Georgia Alumni Association. This was the race, on the campus of my beloved alma mater, that I chose to be my "comeback" event...my first race since suffering a heart attack almost a year ago. I had three goals coming into this race: 1. Have fun. 2. Finish. 3. Have enough left in the tank to be passing people at the end. I was so unconcerned about my finishing time that I didn't even wear my watch.

36:23. I wish I would've worn my watch.

There were a lot of factors involved in that unsatisfactory time...some physical, some mental. And it's not like I was expecting to lay down the kind of time that I was running a few years ago when I was fortunate enough to win my age group (40-44) in several races. After all, I was practically sedentary for six months after the heart attack. But bringing it home at 30-minutes-plus isn't acceptable for me.

Training went pretty well for the last three months. I realize I didn't do nearly enough hills...especially given the terrain on the UGA campus. And the race-day adrenaline that I was counting on to give me a little boost jumped up and bit me on my pert backside. The starter sent us off and the opening pace was like that of a hundred-yard dash (primarily due to the presence of many, many Run and See Georgia Grand Prix regulars...this was a field of greyhounds, man). I pressed way too early and wound up gassed by the first mile marker. Total rookie, bush-league screwup.

By the time I was able to recover my pace, I was well past the two-mile marker and staring up the formidable "Ag Hill," leading into the home stretch. That's when things got very mental. I reached for the reserve mojo and just couldn't tap into it. And I think I know why. I think I was afraid to push myself because I was worried about my ticker. Ultimately, I did manage to kick it somewhat around the the 2-and-a-half mile point...but I knew when I crossed the finish line that I hadn't left it all out there on the pavement. I knew I had held back.

So, that's why I can't wait to get out there again. There's a big race in downtown Athens next Saturday...but, from running it before, I know the hills are hellacious. So I think I'll try the race at Sandy Creek Park next Sunday. I've had some success there before and maybe the field won't be so hardcore with another big race the day before. Meanwhile, it's "on the road again" every afternoon next week. Gonna hit the hills and gonna push myself. Get past that mental block.

All in all, though? I had a blast. It's good to be back...ish.

More Of The Wright Stuff

2008-03-25T15:44:00.006-04:00

Hillary Clinton today on Reverend Jeremiah Wright:

"He would not have been my pastor," Clinton said. "You don't choose your family, but you choose what church you want to attend."

You know what else you choose? You choose which preachers you want to invite to the White House to beg for absolution and forgiveness after you've been busted for carrying on with one of the interns.

President Bill Clinton chose Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Hillary needs to think long and hard before playing that particular card again. She's got a nationally televised debate with Obama coming up in a couple of weeks. Does she really want to throw Wright in Obama's face and give the moderator an opening to bring up the good Reverend's visit to the Clinton White House? And exactly what he was there for? Chances are she'll try to gloss it over by explaining about all the sniper fire he had to dodge on the way into the building.

"Deltalina"? More like "Fugalina."

What In The Blue Hell Is Wrong With Pennsylvania?

2008-03-19T20:09:00.005-04:00

I mean...COME ON! Where you at, Phillie? You gotta represent. Steeltown, don't tell me you're buying Hillary's shit. Southcentral, you guys awake? Intercourse, are you intercoursing with me? I'm not even going to make some smartass remark about Hillary's message resonating in Santorum Country (okay...so I just did)...but the prospect of Obama sustaining a double digit stomp-job deep in the very cradle of the republic does not exactly fill my heart with optimism. I can only assume (read...hope) this thing is going to tighten up naturally as we get closer to the primary. You want to be 12-15 points up on the Sunday before the primary, not over a month out. That's a long-ass time to sit on a lead.

"Playboy" Gary Hart (1941-2008)

2008-03-17T10:47:00.016-04:00

"Playboy" Gary Hart, manager of some of the most feared pro-wrestlers to ever step into the ring, died yesterday at the age of sixty-six. He was found dead in his Euless, Texas home by his son...no other information has been released yet. You can keep "Captain Lou" Albano, Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart, and even Bobby "The Brain" Heenan...for my money, the "Playboy" was the best wrestling manager ever. Having been "blessed" with a naturally menacing appearance and a tongue of pure silver, Gary Hart's niche in the business was serving as a mouthpiece for mute monsters such as The Great Kabuki, The Spoiler, The Missing Link, and Pak Song (pictured). However, my most indelible Gary Hart memories are of his longtime association with Abdullah The Butcher.

Gary Hart and Abdullah (pictured) were made for each other. Abdullah, now an Atlanta restauranteur, was the one wrestler that always scared the living crap out of me as a kid. On nights that Georgia Championship Wrestling came to town, my buddies and I used to stake out the parking lot of the local gym in Buford to watch the wrestlers arrive. It was always such a trip to watch Abdullah drive up in an ordinary compact car, gather up his gear, and then immediately get into character as soon as he spotted us. He would usually perform a judo thrust in our direction, accompanied with a menacing grunt...and we would run like hell.

As terrifying as he was, though, it was Gary Hart's microphone skills that took Abdullah to the next level. "Ladies and gentlemen...it's 'bout to get scary in heah...so hold tight to yah children's hands...'cause I'm 'bout to bring out...dah beast...dah remorseless creeee-chah....dah 'Mad Man from dah Soooo-dan!' Aaaaahb-doooooh-laaaah...dah....Booooooootchaaaah!"

So long, "Playboy." And thanks for the nightmares.

Sorry, John...Not This Time

2008-03-14T13:08:00.006-04:00

A mere eight months out and you're already digging deep for the "Vote for me or the terrorists win" card? I shudder to think what your fourth-and-long play must be. Or is an unrejected, unrepudiated, and undenounced (and, no, a simple "he doesn't agree" from a campaign spokesperson doesn't come close to cutting it) Rep. Steve King trial-ballooning it for you? Give him a little "Straight Talk," Senator.

If there's one tiny bit of upside to Georgia having their SEC Tournament second-round game against Kentucky moved to Tech's Alexander Memorial Coliseum in light of the extensive tornado damage to the Georgia Dome, it's this: With attendance being restricted to only the players' families and the working press, they'll feel like they're playing back home at Stegeman Coliseum.

You Can't Keep A Good Dog Off Your Leg

2008-03-13T23:47:00.005-04:00

Did you notice that slight whiff of vinegar in the air? Yes...HYH's favorite douchebag, Mitt Romney (pictured, left), is back. And he's furiously humping John McCain's leg for a spot on the Republican ticket in November. Never mind that just a couple of months ago, he very publicly said:

“I’m not going to be any vice president to John McCain either, that’s not going to happen.”

It must be nice for your every utterance on the record to be nothing more than a first draft, to be struck through with your inner red editing pen at will. Still, I wouldn't bet against a McCain/Romney marriage of convenience. After all, McCain fell right back into Dubya's loving arms after getting slimed repeatedly by Bush during the 2000 campaign. I say bring Mittens on. There's not a Democrat on Barack or Hillary's VP short lists that wouldn't humiliate this emptiest of suits in a debate. And it gets Dan Quayle off the national punchline hook. Call it the 20-Year Mercy Rule.

Six More Long Weeks

2008-03-13T11:28:00.007-04:00

I've had tickets in hand for over four months now...and the Bruce concert is still more than a month away. Still more than a month to the most alive, electric moment possible...that moment in every Bruce show when the regular set ends and the houselights come up. It's encore time...and there's no telling what you're liable to hear. If you've been there, you know exactly what I mean. The entire arena, buzzing with anticipation. Anything can happen. Jeez...I can't wait.

It looks as though Bruce is still faithfully plugging "Magic" all these months later, playing three-quarters of it in most sets. No complaints...I love that record. But, for the hell of it, here's my dream Bruce set:

Radio Nowhere
Prove It All Night
Hungry Heart
The Promised Land
Brilliant Disguise
I'm On Fire
Darkness On The Edge of Town
The River
Backstreets
The Rising
Candy's Room
Badlands
Out In The Street
No Surrender
Glory Days
Racing In The Street
Thunder Road
Born To Run

(First Encore)
Cadillac Ranch
Born In The USA

Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out
Jungleland

(Second Encore)
"Devil With The Blue Dress" Medley
Dancing In The Dark
Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)

Yeah, More Politics...Deal With It

2008-03-12T18:52:00.004-04:00

You know, seeing as how she's a 49-state losing, race-baiting gaffe machine, the Clinton campaign could've kept Geraldine Ferraro around to be a constant pain in their ass for all I care.

Dude, they raise a lot more doubts about "humor" than "neutrality."

Silda Wall Spitzer = Total MILF

2008-03-12T13:36:00.012-04:00

What the hell is Eliot Spitzer thinking?

His wife, Silda (left), has totally got a Lindsay Wagner (right)
thing working. You can even throw a little Erin Gray and Cheryl
Tiegs into the mix. Very appealing to us dudes of a certain age.

"The Results Of Those Primaries Were Fair..."

2008-03-12T11:41:00.003-04:00

Guess who?

If you are a voter from Florida or Michigan, you know that we should count your vote. The nearly two and a half million Americans in those two states who participated in the primary elections are in danger of being excluded from our democratic process and I think that’s wrong. The results of those primaries were fair and they should be honored.

She can't believe that. She just can't. When she goes to bed at night, fully pantsuited and blinged-out just in case the phone rings at 3:00 AM, she can't honestly believe that the sham results of the Florida and Michigan primaries are "fair." Is there anything she won't say to steal this nomination? Comparing Obama to Ken Starr? Obama only wants to see the Clintons' income taxes...maybe he should remind everyone about what Ken Starr was looking for. Trying to spin the absurd fantasy that Obama would lose to McCain in the blue states that Clinton has so far carried? Freaking Dennis Kucinich would probably carry California and New York against McCain.

Every day this campaign goes on, my memories of Election Nights in '92 and '96...the fondest memories in a life of political junkiedom...grow dimmer and dimmer.

STFU, Hillary

2008-03-07T11:26:00.006-05:00

Here's Hillary Clinton on a "do-over" in Florida and Michigan, which held nominating contests that broke Democratic Party rules:

I would not accept a caucus. I think that would be a great disservice to the 2 million people who turned out and voted. I think that they want their votes counted. And you know a lot of people would be disenfranchised because of the timing and whatever the particular rules were.

Oh, absolutely. That's why the unfairness of caucusing was such a pet topic of yours during the Fall and Winter debates leading up to primary season. You were so eloquently passionate about the disenfranchising, undemocratic caucus process long before you started getting the ever-loving snot kicked out of you in every single one of them, weren't you?

Yeah, that's right. I know. The last time you guys heard from me, I was "wobbly" about the Obama/Clinton race. I was still in the Obama camp but growing increasingly anxious about his ability to hit back...hard (and I still am, BTW). But the conduct of the Clinton campaign has been such a dealbreaker for me that, much like my pal JMac, I'm having trouble fathoming why true, blue Dems aren't deserting Hillary in droves.

How dare she come on my TV and even so much as insinuate that my sleeping children are in trouble if I vote for the other guy? And who's pantsuited, coiffed, and immaculately made-up at 3:00 AM, anyway? But don't settle for my take on this...take it from Larry David.

Rock on, Obama. Let's finish this effing thing.

On a personal note, I've entered my first 5k race since my heart attack last Spring. It's a charity race, sponsored by the UGA Alumni Association, set for March 29. My cardiologist has warned me that there's a very good chance that I will drop dead before reaching the finish line.

Nahhhhh! Just selling the drama. But this is, of course, a very big deal to me. Can't wait.

An Early Christmas Present

2007-11-26T23:25:00.000-05:00

Look what Santa dropped in my mailbox today:

Ho. Ho. Ho. It's going to be one long-ass winter, though.

WOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Part 2)

2007-11-26T10:23:00.000-05:00

Talk about your good news/bad news scenarios. The good news is that, after an onscreen absence of many months, Ric Flair returns to WWE RAW tonight. As was almost always the case back in Flair's WCW days, WWE is using Charlotte, NC...the capital of Flair Country...as the staging ground for a Nature Boy re-launch. Ric's returns from his frequent hiatuses are always fun to watch because Flair so deftly walks the tightrope between putting over a storyline and his own "shoot" versions of events to explain his absences. Add a red-hot hometown crowd and you've got some must-see TV.

Now the bad news...Flair's return almost certainly means that his much-discussed and debated farewell/retirement storyline begins tonight. Originally, the storyline was supposed to culminate at next year's WrestleMania. Now, according to the wrestling dirt sheets, WWE wants the potential return of John Cena to be the big in-ring story of 'Mania while making Flair the centerpiece of the 2008 WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony. So we can expect some disruption to Flair's big comeback speech tonight...and whoever does the disrupting will go a long way in determining the direction of Flair's last hurrah.

Even though he just started a program/feud with the returning Chris Jericho last week, I'd make "the legend killer" and current WWE champ Randy Orton tonight's designated party-pooper. Build a program with Flair directed toward a showdown for the WWE title at January's Royal Rumble. Flair gets pounded within an inch of his life, pulls a classic cheating move worthy of "the dirtiest player in the game," and rolls Orton up for the unexpected title win out of nowhere. Then, right there in the middle of the ring, he announces his retirement and gives up the belt. That way, you give Flair a proper send-off and set up a wild scramble for the WWE title a couple of months later at WrestleMania.

But...still...pro-wrestling without Ric Flair? It'll be hard to get used to.

Phillip Fulmer can loosen his belt a couple of notches, belly up at The Varsity, and paint the whole city of Atlanta orange as far as I'm concerned. Georgia's got more ambitious postseason travel plans. Can you say, "Look at the rose petals falling from the sky!"?

Don't Mess With My Mama

2007-11-15T16:54:00.000-05:00

I'm relieved and extremely proud to announce that the problems we've been having with Social Security described yesterday have been resolved. With extreme prejudice. My Mom (pictured with yours truly) and my sister-in-law, having had no luck getting anyone on the phone for well over a week, went to the office of her case worker and staged themselves an old-school, power-to-the-people sit-in. That's right. They got there first thing in the morning and announced they weren't leaving until they got some face time. When Mom was asked if she had an appointment, sis-in-law fired back with, "If she can't talk to anybody on the damn phone, how's she supposed to make a damn appointment?" Awesome. She's got dinner or a surprise gift coming next time we're up their way. Long story short, the case worker got on the phone and then on her computer...and within minutes, everything was taken care of. So you see, the system works. Sometimes you just have to go punch it in the throat to get its attention, that's all.

Some Quick Morning Bile

2007-11-15T06:53:00.000-05:00

This morning's mood: Extremely Chloe.

So, John McCain gets asked (in reference to Hillary), "How do we beat the bitch?" and, rather than remind the questioner about the importance of civility and common decency, he comes back with, "...that's an excellent question." Well, my respect for the guy went out the window a long time ago when he became Bush's lapdog and apologist...and now the sympathy I had for him as I watched him tremble and stutter while being eviscerated by Jon Stewart on "The Daily Show" a few months ago is gone as well. What happened to the McCain I used to respect and enjoy listening to? The guy whose dignity would never allow him to pander to the red-meat crowd? I think that's a pretty freaking excellent question, too.

You know, the only thing Steve Spurrier likes better than yanking the chains of Georgia folks is the way we jump around splurting and sputtering when we fall for it. This Herschel Walker thing? Mission accomplished on both counts.

Rudy Giuliani can "dismiss" until he's blue in the face...but this Bernie Kerik stuff is going to blow up well before "Monster Tuesday" on February 5, the day Rudy is counting on all the big states to come through for him and blunt Mitt Romney's expected January success in Iowa, New Hampshire, and Michigan. Kerik's pre-trial hearing is set for January 16, right in the middle of primary season...and his sleazy dance card has it all. Corruption, mob ties, and now, thanks to Judith Regan, influence-peddling and...wait for it...sex. Just as the impeachment story green-lit investigations into President Clinton's sex life, the Kerik scandals and his ties to Giuliani will free up the press to look into Bernie and Rudy's wild-and-crazy swinger days. Giulian's success in the national polls may mean that the Republican base actually will hold its nose and vote for a pro-choice candidate if they think he can beat Hillary, but I don't think they're going to tolerate having some sex-having hedonist at the top of the ballot. At least Romney has a child to show for each time he did the vile deed.

Hey, it rained last night! How about praying for the Braves to win the World Series now, Sonny?

Here's Your Excuse(s)

2007-11-14T09:59:00.001-05:00

Man, I've sure neglected HYH for the past week or so. It's been a real confluence of events (yes...that's a euphemism for "clusterf*ck")...There's the booster club stuff. Keeping that blog updated and prepping for another edition of the newsletter. I've also been playing phone tag with the Gwinnett County DFACS and the freaking Social Security Administration, who are trying to screw my Mom out of paying the premiums on her prescriptions. Yes, it's because she missed a deadline on some stupid-ass paperwork by a couple of days....but it's ridiculous how this agency that was set up for the express purpose of helping people in my Mom's situation seemingly goes out of their way to find any excuse to dump people from coverage. Where's the follow-up? Isn't sorting out these little brushfires the reason she has an individual case worker? A case worker who...oh, by the effing way...hasn't returned a call to me or to my Mom, my suffering-from-depression, living-on-an-incredibly-fixed-income Mom, in over a week.

But when I look back, it's pretty obvious that the turning point for my regular blogging was Gabe starting to walk. Taking care of the kids becomes a whole different ballgame once they can disappear when your back is turned for only a second. So, since mornings are pretty much off the table, I'm going to try and get into a regular groove of updating this blog late at night. There'll still be stretches of days around booster club newsletter deadline time when I'll have to let HYH slide...but, for anyone who was wondering...no, this blog isn't quite dead yet and I haven't fallen into a manhole or anything. And thanks so much for the couple of nice messages I got letting me know that somebody out there actually is reading this thing.

And that's quite enough self-indulgent navel gazing...

In matters of more cosmic importance, Bruce and the band are coming! April 25 to (dammit) Philips Arena. I was hoping for Gwinnett Arena, where the guys played last time. It's a helluva schlep for us Athens-area folks to get to downtown Atlanta. You pretty much have to clear the whole day for it. But, for Bruce? You clear a day. Now here's hoping that there are actually tickets available this weekend and we don't have some Hannah Montana-type fiasco where the tickets are gone in less than five minutes but nobody can find a single living real person who has them. [Bruce/Steve pic courtesy of NY Daily News]

Great. More junk mail.

For everyone pissing and moaning about SpaceyG's contributions to Peach Pundit: Boy, wouldn't it be nice if there was something signifying who contributed what? So you could skip over any contributors you may not personally care for? Maybe something right under the post heading? Dudes...didn't anybody tell you that you're supposed to see a doctor if it lasts more than four hours? Rock on, Spacey.

Well...she didn't pop a couple before going onstage at MTV, that's for sure.

My pal and Winterville neighbor Ryan Hybl has made it to the second stage of PGA Q-School, where the top finishers after three stages get their PGA Tour memberships. When I went back to school at UGA as an old geezer, I was lucky enough to have several classes with Ryan and get to know him a little bit. I just hope he's ready to deal with what an incredible pest I'm going to become once he's a PGA star.

Finally, I want this for Christmas. It's a veritable Floyducopia!

Fabulous Moolah (1923-2007)

2007-11-04T11:42:00.000-05:00

The First Lady of Professional Wrestling, Lillian Ellison...known worldwide as the Fabulous Moolah, has passed away at the age of 84. Though she wrestled primarily as a heel, I'm glad to have found a picture of her with a smile on her face...because that's how I'll always remember Moolah. Lauren and I were attending one of the early "In Your House" pay-per-views in Florence, SC back in 1996 when I had the pleasure of briefly meeting the greatest female pro-wrestler of all time. Lauren had taken her seat and I was wandering the concourse in search of a good-looking Undertaker shirt. I spotted Moolah holding court with about a half-dozen fans near a pay phone. I wandered over and nervously awaited my chance to say hello. I don't meet new people very well...and, celebrities? Forget it. So I probably said something insipid and totally mark-ish...but I'm sure that I tried to convey that I was a fan from way back, not someone who only knew her from her recent WWE (then WWF) return to prominence.

Let me tell you...The freaking Fabulous Moolah hugged my neck and loved on me like a long-lost grandbaby. And she had the same big hug and "Bless your heart, darlin' " for everyone who approached her. She graciously signed autograph after autograph and posed for pictures until she finally begged off, explaining that she needed to be in her seat so she could be introduced to the crowd as part of the pre-show festivities. When the show finally did start, longtime WWF/WWE ring announcer Howard Finkel did his thing, introducing Moolah as one of the "dignitaries" in the crowd. She stood up, glowering and shaking her fist at the cheering crowd...and then busted back into that radiant smile you see in the picture.

Rest easy, Moolah...and thanks for that minute of your time. I'll never forget it.

(Fabulous Moolah pic courtesy of WWE.com)

Halloween Havoc

2007-11-02T21:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know I promised from Jump Street to not drift too much into "Daddy Blog" territory...but you gotta check out the kids' Halloween costumes:

Zoe was, in her words, "a scary little ghost girl."

Gabriel was The Toddler of Steel.

Yeah, you're right. I am pretty lucky.

Naming a stretch of highway after Clarence Thomas? Well, I'll tell you what... as long as it hits a dead end at Hill Street, is convenient to a Long John Silver's, and goes just a hair past the Coke factory, I'm cool with it.

Dog the Bounty Hunter? White trash? Gee, who'da thunk it?

Obama's Dukakis Moment

2007-10-31T14:16:00.000-04:00

In one of the 1988 Presidential debates, Michael Dukakis was famously asked if he would seek the death penalty for the hypothetical murderer and rapist of his wife, Kitty. Of course, the correct response to a question like that is, "No. Not really. I think I'd prefer to kill the bastard myself...with my bare hands." Instead, without so much as raising one of his bushy eyebrows, Dukakis calmly and dryly reiterated his opposition to the death penalty. Many political pundits thought the question was out of bounds. In terrible taste. Should've never been asked. Months after George Bush defeated Dukakis in the general election, Bush's campaign advisor and noted GOP dirty trickster Lee Atwater was asked for his take on "the question."

Atwater said that the "murdered and raped Kitty" question terrified him as it was being asked. Because he saw it as a total softball question for Dukakis...a chance for the cold, unemotional Democratic nominee to go ballistic with no consequences. Atwater was afraid that Dukakis would give an answer similar to the one I proposed and that his favorable numbers would go through the roof the next day. Didn't happen.

I think Barack Obama had a big-time Dukakis moment in the Democratic debate last night in Philadelphia. Here's the question and Obama's response:

Brian Williams (Moderator): Senator Obama, we're going to transfer into a new area here. A question specifically for you because you're in a rather unique position. It's about religion and misinformation. Governor Romney misspoke twice on the same day, confusing your name with that of Osama bin Laden.

Your party is fond of talking about a potential swiftboating. Are you fearful of what happened to John McCain, for example, in South Carolina a few years back; confusion on the basis of things like names and religion?

Obama: No, because I have confidence in the American
people.

And I don't pay much attention to what Mitt Romney has to say -- at least what he says this week. It may be different next week.

But there is no doubt that my background is not typical of a presidential candidate. I think everybody understands that. But that's part of what is so powerful about America, is that it gives all of us the opportunity -- a woman, a Latino, myself -- the opportunity to run. And, listen, when I was running for the United States Senate everybody said nobody's going to vote for a black guy named Barack Obama; they can't even pronounce it. And we ended up winning by 20 points in the primary and 30 points in the general election.

The way to respond to swiftboating is to respond forcefully, rapidly and truthfully. And I have absolute confidence in the American people's capacity to absorb the truth, as long as we are forceful in that presentation.

And we are seeing it. As we travel all across the country, we have received enormous support, in states where, frankly, there aren't a lot of African-Americans, and there aren't a lot of Obamas.

Still awake? Look...I'm sorry...but when you're asked, "Senator Obama, does it bother you that a douchenozzle like Mitt Romney is out there calling you 'Osama' from one end of the country to the other?," you've got to get riled up. Like Atwater said back then, that was a no-consequences opportunity to tee Romney up and whack him. To let the American people see some fire behind the ice. Again...didn't happen. Barack, you sold me on your boilerplate a long time ago. Now sell me on your heart. I want some passion. I want 2004 Democratic Convention keynote speaker Obama. I want to see how bad you want it. I want to believe, but...dude, you're losing me.

Sports Weekend: Wicked Pissah

2007-10-29T10:52:00.000-04:00

In good-natured deference to JMac, Sara, and all the other lifelong Boston fans with deep, long-term attachments to the team and region, I'm going to start off by saying:

Five Nice Things About The Red Sox

1. In Terry Francona, they are led by a guy with class and character. Even after the miracle of 2004, writers like Bill Simmons kept trying to turn Francona into Jim Donnan (you know...barely tolerated when winning, thoroughly disposable when losing). You should check out the Boston newspapers' Sox coverage sometime. You've heard that managing in New York is like being under a microscope? In Boston, it's like a proctoscope. Good to see a nice guy like Francona get the last laugh.

2. It's nice every once in a while for the actual best team in baseball to win the World Series. I think we were only one more fluke world champion away from an onslaught of "What's wrong with baseball?" articles. Make no mistake, the Red Sox are worthy and deserving world champs.

3. As I discovered a couple of years ago when I first got MLB Extra Innings, Sox color analyst Jerry Remy is the most entertaining announcer in baseball. Check out his Zapruder film-like breakdown of a fan being hit upside the head with a slice of pizza.

4. Manny's slide in game three was freaking sweet. It's not on YouTube, unfortunately...but that slide away from the plate, gingerly reaching over the catcher's leg, slapping the plate and popping up to his feet with the "safe" call...awesome. Too bad he was out.

5. Got nothin'. In fact, I had to stretch for just four.

And of course, the hands-down worst thing about the Red Sox winning the World Series? It means baseball season is over....(sniff). It should be tumultuous off-season. A-Rod's up for grabs...and, c'mon...I'm begging here, can we please not pretend that Boston fans would do anything other than turn cartwheels if he signs with the Sox? The Braves will look for someone to inherit centerfield from Andruw Jones. The Yanks will introduce a new manager. Me? I'm going to use this off-season to finally throw myself headlong into Sabermetrics. I've always been a dabbler...but now I'm going to take it to the next level so I can converse with the cool kids at the Think Factory. Only four months until pitchers and catchers report!

My take on The Celebration? Not my steamy cuppa joe. At all. But I take Mark Richt's word when he said that he didn't give the guys any specific guidelines for it and it wound up getting out of hand. I don't think that it suggests any kind of dramatic shift in the way Coach Richt and his staff approach things in terms of sportsmanship. He wanted to do something completely unexpected and out of the blue. As you can see from that clip and the looks on Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow's faces, they sure never saw it coming. So...as a one-time gimmick, aimed at seizing emotional momentum in a series where Georgia has too often worn that shell-shocked expression themselves, I got no problem with it.

Gotta get after Kentucky and Auburn now. Tennessee trips over their own feet one more time...bank on it. But Georgia needs to put themselves in a position of take advantage of it.

Carnival Time Again

2007-10-26T10:32:00.000-04:00

I knew that stepping way out there precariously on that shaky limb and picking the Red Sox would pay off! HYH made the Carnival of Bloggers again! To see the HYH entry and...at the same time...pick and choose from a veritable feast of Georgia-oriented blogs, head on over to the Radical Georgia Moderate when you've got some time to kill and pig out. On a serious note, the first section of the Carnival...dealing with the Georgia water crisis...is must-read stuff. Grift, as ever, is all over this story from an environmental standpoint and my Athens dawgs JMac and Blake have all the political angles covered. All in all, it's one of the best Carnivals yet. Thanks so much to Rusty at the RGM for hosting this latest edition and for showing HYH some love.

Sox In Five...Maybe Six, Tops

2007-10-24T12:43:00.000-04:00

I have held this World Series up to the light, turned it upside down and shook it...heck, I've even given it a good, squinty, Larry David-style hairy eyeball. All in the desperate hope of finding an angle from which the freaking Red Sox do not end up as world champions.

Alas.

It just doesn't compute. Dammit, they're going to win. Look at this...Look what happens when I try to type 2700 Wrldo Cmhpnoia Corodalo Skieroc. My fingers won't even let me conceive of it. Maybe if they steal one of these first two at Fenway. Let's say the Rocks lose to Beckett tonight. In game two, they get to Schilling. Pull one off in dramatic fashion. They come back to Coors with some momentum. Maybe then they've got a shot. I swear I don't see it, though.

This Sox team is just flat-out loaded for bear. Manny and Papi. Solid citizen Mike Lowell (Lowell's kind of like Mike Piazza on those 90's Dodgers teams...the one guy I really liked on the team I couldn't stand). Papelbon is a drooling simpleton and John Rocker minus the white sheet...but, damn, that boy is the dictionary definition of "lights-out." You know Schilling is ready to run through a brick wall to visit the White House one more time while Dubya is still there. AND home field advantage? Forget it.

I know crazy shit that don't make no sense happens in the World Series. It sure did last year. I just don't see it happening two years in a row. I love the Rockies. I'd especially love to see Todd Helton get a ring. I think they'll win game three at home on pure Coors-fueled mojo...and maybe they'll steal another one along the way. But no more.

Sox in five...Maybe six, tops.

When The Rain Comes

2007-10-23T08:33:00.000-04:00

Somebody get Mulder and Scully on the phone...For the past couple of days here in Winterville, there's been an unexplainable phenomenon taking place. I know this is going to sound nuts...but...there appears to be water somehow falling from the sky. What's up with that?

Alabama Governor to state of Georgia: "Drop dead."

This bears repeating: There are so many good reasons Mitt Romney shouldn't be President that his unusual religious beliefs aren't even in the top ten.

Waffle House, huh? Well, you can say what you will about Kid Rock...but at least you can't say he doesn't keep it real.

Dude, if Pat Quinn wants to coach the Thrashers, hire him now. Sure, he's getting up there in age...but he'd be a fine two-to-three-year steward for a veteran-laden team like the Thrashers. (Not that I think Bob Hartley should've been fired in the first place, mind you.) Plus, how cool would it be to have an old Atlanta Flames legend behind the bench?

The WNBA is coming to Atlanta! Yeah...go ahead. Make your jokes. And, when you get done? Bite me. Because...you know what? Eff WNBA haters. Sports talk radio goes on and on about how, since they personally don't care for it, the WNBA shouldn't even exist. That bugs the hell out of me. People losing their minds because somebody dared to put a sports league together that doesn't cater to middle-to-upper class, beer-drinking white guys. I'm one of them and I'm here to tell you...we suck. Nobody's putting a gun to their heads and forcing them to watch. Every TV in America has 100 channels these days. Watch something else and freaking zip it.

Me? I plan on being there opening night/day. Since the league has gifted Atlanta with the fourth pick in the WNBA draft, I fully expect Tasha Humphrey to be suiting up for Atlanta. And the team's front office would do well to look over the pending free agents list and either sign or make trades bringing other former Georgia Lady Bulldogs to Atlanta.

Where Have You Gone, Bob Gibson?

2007-10-17T21:17:00.000-04:00

(Post title courtesy of AtlPaddy at Rowland's Office.)

Manny Being Manny

Admiring a walk-off jack job in extra innings.

Manny Being Bush

Admiring a solo shot, five runs down in a drubbing.

If I'm Eric Wedge, Manny gets one square between the "two" and the "four" tomorrow night. Like I said over at the Office, at least A-Rod in 2004...in committing what Red Sox fans howled was The Bushest Act In The History Of The Game...was trying (albeit spastically and idiotically) to make a play in a tight game.

Pulling Double Duty

2007-10-15T21:29:00.000-04:00

I swear I haven't forgot about my loyal HYH'ers. The two of you should know that I am flat-out up against it right now. I've been put in charge of starting up a new blog for the Fastbreak Club, the University of Georgia Lady Bulldogs basketball booster club, and it has been taking up just about every spare moment that I'm torn away from the kids and running (and, in the interest of full disclosure, watching postseason baseball). In addition, I'm also the editor of the club's monthly newsletter...whose deadline for this upcoming issue is rapidly approaching. So...that's where I've been.

And I actually made time for a little fun and relaxation this past weekend. My brother and I went to the big TNA pay-per-view, "Bound For Glory," at the Gwinnett Arena. TNA is trying to make their own little niche in the wrestling market by using older guys at the top of the card and dedicating the undercard to what they call their X-Division. It's basically an "edgy" name for their cruiserweights. The TNA X-Division guys put on an energetic show...with an emphasis, of course, on highspot after highspot. Unfortunately, a lot of their offense shows enough light to read a phone book by in the cheap seats. After a while, it's like watching a movie with nothing but car chases, you know? You start longing for a match that actually tells a story. That's where Sting and then-TNA heavyweight champ Kurt Angle come in.

Angle and Sting (pictured) staged one stemwinder of a main event title match. Sting can't go like he did fifteen years ago, obviously...but the 2007 Sting is a far cry from the kicking, stomping, and punching Sting of the "WCW Monday Nitro" era. Maybe working with all those young kids is rubbing off on him. Angle had a really nice moment in the match when he cinched Sting from behind and gave him three consecutive German suplexes. The fans who recognized that series of moves as a tribute to the late Chris Benoit responded with a round of respectful applause...to which Kurt responded with a briefly flashed thumbs-up. Kinda cool...like we shared a moment with him. The ending was an old-school WCW-esque schmozz that saw interference from Kevin Nash backfiring and Sting ultimately winning the title. A fun evening all around...and I'll definitely be setting the TiVo for "TNA Impact" on Thursday nights from now on.

But, because I was so swamped, there were no Quick Predictions this weekend (I would've nailed all of them, you know) and I didn't get to follow-up on the results of the Holyfield fight...Evander lost a lopsided decision and vowed afterwards to soldier on until he gets another title shot. Good Lord. Basically, I'm just checking in. My dance card is still chockablock with booster club stuff to do for the next three or four days, but then...hopefully...I'll be able to dote a little more on HYH. Because you guys deserve it. Both of you.
[Sting/Angle pic courtesy of...Me!]

The Surreal Deal

2007-10-12T14:20:00.000-04:00

A little over more than 24 hours from now, there's a pretty good chance that Evander Holyfield will once again be wearing a world heavyweight championship belt. A five-time champ, at 44.

(...sigh...)

Even with his now-diminished skills, Evander has shown in two years of tuneup fights that he still has enough in the tank (or, as Rocky Balboa might say, "in the basement") to get a pretty good fighter out of there. And, quite frankly, that's all WBO heavyweight champ Sultan Ibragimov is. A pretty good fighter. I only hope that someone is in Evander's ear who can convince him, should he defeat Ibragimov, that attempting to unify the heavyweight title is a health-endangering...scratch that...life-endangering fool's errand. I imagine WBC champ Oleg Maskaev would be Holyfield's next target...and he's another paper champion, a lumbering, slugging granite statue, that Evander could conceivably prevail over. After that, it gets scary. IBF champion Wladimir Klitschko is the last man in the world Evander Holyfield should ever see in the opposite corner of a boxing ring. I've blogged about a potential Klitschko/Holyfield fight before. It must never happen.

This is all about legacy for Evander. The man has all the money any human being could ever need. He's set for life. His kids' kids are set for life. He obviously wants to be remembered as one of the elite heavyweight champions of all time and he thinks that taking an alphabet soup belt off a heavyweight "champ" that no one's ever heard of will tilt the scale back in his favor historically...despite the fact that he has, with his late-career losing streak prior to this comeback, lost almost a quarter of his professional career fights. Still, I love the guy and can't help wishing him the best. I'll put the Holyfield/Riddick Bowe trilogy of fights right up there with Ali/Frazier...with the second fight, the notorious "Fan Man" fight, being the single most exciting boxing match I've ever seen.

So, even though I won't be watching...who can afford pay-per-view anymore?...I'll be online, surfing for updated round-by-round results during the afternoon tomorrow. Here's hoping I read about Evander delivering a quick knockout or breezing to an easy, boring decision...and then taking his belt and going home. For good. Here's hoping, ultimately, that he realizes being a warrior doesn't mean you have to end up being carried out on your shield.

"Magic" Thoughts

2007-10-11T09:53:00.000-04:00

[Inspired by an e-mail exchange with Herb Urban.]

I've had Bruce's latest, "Magic," on an endless loop on my MP3 player for a little over a week now. Since the overwhelming critical meme for this record seems to be " It's Bruce's best album since _________," I'll chime in with "...since "Tunnel Of Love," a criminally underrated record, BTW. After all the acoustic stuff, the rootsy stuff, and even E-Street rock that was artistically noble but earnest, Debbie Downer material ("The Rising," which, just to affirm, I loved), I have been so ready for Bruce to rock out with the band again. He's always said that he makes records so he'll have an excuse to tour and, make no mistake, the songs on "Magic" are going to be killer onstage. Vocally, Bruce hasn't sounded this good in years. A lot more crooning and a helluva lot less rasping.

Weird thing, though...even though it's an E-Street album, it sounds like it was made with a smaller combo. My pal Herb Urban said that the more he listened to it, the less he heard the band. And I can see that. "Magic" sounds like the record "Lucky Town"/"Human Touch," a combo that was too laid-back and SoCal-sounding, should've been. Don't go looking for the big, "Born To Run" wall of sonic boom-boom. The rockers (like "Radio Nowhere") have a garage band-y feel and even the "big" songs sound pared down. The Professor's heavenly glockenspiel and bells are nowhere to be found, for instance. But the damn thing jumps right out at you. It didn't take nearly as long to grow on me as "The Rising." Especially in terms of concert preparation. I knew I'd be squirming a bit during...say..."You're Missing" or "After The Fire"....but take my word for it, there are no bathroom-break songs on "Magic."

And as unfair as it might be to expect Bruce, at 58, to still be writing the kind of fist-pumping anthems that can only be fueled by youth and idealism, there are more than a few songs on "Magic" that have the potential to eventually become part of the Sacred Bruce Canon Hymnal. "Radio Nowhere" and "Livin' In The Future" will be concert setlist mainstays for the next decade while "You'll Be Comin' Down" sounds exactly like what we old farts used to call a "hit single." The gorgeous "Your Own Worst Enemy," with its "Eleanor Rigby" string intro and "Pet Sounds" sleighbells and harmonies, sounds like no other track on any other Bruce album. "Gypsy Biker," "Last To Die," and "Long Walk Home" are already drawing raves in concert reviews.

So...yeah..."Magic" is terrific. While other rock legends like Dylan, The Stones, and even Paul McCartney keep churning out "one listen" new material, Bruce manages to remain vital and necessary. May I age even a quarter as gracefully.

And Now, The Sequel...

2007-10-09T14:25:00.000-04:00

Wrestling With Playoff Predictions

2007-10-09T10:04:00.001-04:00

There are two things one needs to know heading into MLB's League Championships: 1. Who's going to win? 2. Who do you hide behind if a bench-clearing brawl breaks out? Let's take those two question in reverse order:

Even if he's got nothing left on his fastball,
Eric Gagne looks like he could deliver a mean piledriver.

We'll never know if Eric Byrnes has a Dirty Dick,
but we sure know he looks a lot like him.

"Have a nice day, Todd Helton!"

Paul's already buried the Yankees alive.

Love 'Tek...but that sissy-boy facewash
on A-Rod was no Russian Sickle.

Troy Tulowitzki looks like Randy Orton.
(Sorry...the guy's got no "hook.")

Meng, King Haku...whatever. It's a look that's just an

Oscar Gamble Afro Blowout Kit away for Jose Mesa.

As for who will win:

NLCS - Colorado Rockies vs. Arizona Diamondbacks

Rockies in six.

ALCS - Cleveland Indians vs. Boston Red Sox

Sox in seven. (Dammit, dammit, dammit!)

The 2007 Petit Le Mans

2007-10-08T09:54:00.000-04:00

Saturday was a sensational day at Road Atlanta. Moderate temperatures, some cloud cover...perfect racing conditions. Over 100,000 of us gathered at the track for the tenth annual Petit Le Mans, a 1,000-mile endurance race whose winners get their tickets automatically punched for next spring's 24 Hours of Le Mans, the world's greatest automobile race. Full race results can be found on the official ALMS site. Here are just a few of my pics:

Biggest Petit crowd ever. 100,000-plus!

The safety car pulls off and the field is away.

Tracy Krohn is "beached" as the two Audis pull away.

Chris Dyson's Porsche RS Spyder prototype.

The obligatory shot of the field rolling through The Esses.

Marco Werner brings his damaged Audi R10 behind the wall.

This pic shows how close fans can get to the action.

A disappointed Marco gives me the stink-eye.

Volunteer Effort

2007-10-06T22:46:00.000-04:00

Tennessee - 35, Georgia - 14. Congratulations, Vols fans. Your team just bought some time for Phillip Fulmer. I know that delights y'all. Look, I know you can't win them all. But Georgia simply didn't look ready to play today. That's kinda unacceptable. Oh...and all that talk I've been harping on and on about? You know...about the division still being wide open? Scratch that. I hate to be Debbie Downer...but Georgia just didn't show up this week. How does that happen in a conference game? Hopefully it won't happen again next week against Vandy.

Two Quick Predictions For Tomorrow

2007-10-06T22:36:00.000-04:00

A fantastic Petit Le Mans today, but more about that later. On to tomorrow's picks:

Chinese Grand Prix at Shanghai International Circuit

I say the kid clinches his championship in China.

1. Lewis Hamilton - McLaren
2. Kimi Raikonnen - Ferrari
3. Felipe Massa - Ferrari

UAW-Ford 500 at Talladega Superspeedway

"Smoke" takes the first COT superspeedway race.

1. Tony Stewart
2. Kasey Kahne
3. Martin Truex Jr.

Quick Prediction: The Georgia Game

2007-10-06T00:35:00.000-04:00

Sorry for being incommunicado today. Grocery shopping, running, birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese (hey, that's what happens when you appoint a three-year-old to be your party coordinator)...anyway, let's get after it: Long story short, the "Fire Phil" movement gains momentum. The Vols lose a late lead when their coach makes a dumb, indefensible decision. Georgia capitalizes. I dance a small jig at Road Atlanta as day turns to night.

I'll be at the race. Y'all enjoy the game.

Georgia - 24
Tennessee - 20

Eighties Hits Or Porn Titles?

2007-10-05T10:53:00.001-04:00

1. Talk Dirty To Me

2. Leather And Lace

3. Summer Of '69

4. Any Way You Want It

5. Come On Eileen

6. Straight Up

7. Our Lips Our Sealed

8. Lick It Up

9. Pink Houses

10. We Are The World

[Answer: They are, in fact, all porn titles.]

Last Thoughts At 45

2007-10-04T09:39:00.000-04:00

Maybe I'm getting slap-happy and putting the cart way ahead of the horse...but as I round back into shape while rehabbing from my heart attack, I find myself perusing the "Upcoming Races" section on the various Georgia running and track club sites. Back around 2001-02, I was running a ton of races around town. I've even got a desk drawer full of trophies and plaques to show for it. All of my top finishes (including three age-group wins) came in the 34-39 age bracket. Then, a funny thing happened. I turned forty. The first race I entered in the age 40-44 bracket, I got SMOKED. Those guys were blowing past me like I was Tim Conway's little old man character from The Carol Burnett Show. And I was posting almost the exact same times as I did the year before...when I was consistently top five or so in my class. Check it out next time you see a group of serious runners. I guarantee you the guys over forty will so be lean and sinewy that they look like they're constructed out of Slim Jim. Something about turning forty, I guess. Maybe that's the magic number that triggers guys to take that internal inventory and figure out what they need to do if they want to live a little longer. If so, I'm late to the party...but I'm finally there. Racing is still way down the road. Hell, I haven't even timed my mile since I've been back out there. But, watch this space. The road beckons.

Slava Kozlov wuz robbed! Seriously.

Kurt Angle: Intensity, integrity, and intelligence...oh, and also intoxication. It's been a rough week all-around for pro-wrestling world champions as earlier this week WWE champ John Cena tore a pectoral muscle on RAW and will be out of action for 6-8 months. Nobody likes to get hurt...but the timing might actually be pretty good for Cena. As big a fan of the guy as I am, even I admit that he was in danger of becoming the most overpushed and overexposed WWE champion since Hulk Hogan. Some time off of TV and pay-per-view will give fans a chance to miss him and the inevitable, built-in "comeback storyline" when he returns (somebody else will be wearing the belt he never lost in the ring, after all) will give his character some edge and purpose. Right now, WWE fans are eager to embrace Triple H as a babyface. So why not put the belt on Randy Orton, who's white-hot as a heel right now, and let HHH chase him for a few months?

Water rationing? No already-promised-to-Zoe snow at Stone Mountain? Lord have mercy...I wish it would rain. (Preferably at night and early in the morning...not when I'm out running.)

Finally...Tomorrow's my 46th birthday, bitches. Shower me with your best wishes in abundance. To the left is what my mother-in-law got me. A Sandisk Sansa e260 4GB MP3 player. Pretty sweet little gadget, huh? I'm not an iPod guy. I can't stand the idea of having to rely on iTunes. The Sansa, which works seamlessly with Windows Media Player/Center, holds over a thousand songs, displays album art while playing, and I can also put video on it...even though trying to watching something on a 1.8-inch screen for more than five minutes would probably turn me into Migraine Boy. I've also uploaded a ton of family photos. In fact, I've damn near maxed the thing's memory out already. But here's the cool part...the memory is upgradable using microSD memory cards. So that's next on my shopping list. All for under a hundred bucks. Highly, highly recommended.

Division Series Quick Predictions

2007-10-03T10:57:00.000-04:00

National League

Chicago Cubs vs. Arizona Diamondbacks - I think the tone for this series will be set with tonight's game. If Brandon Webb stakes the Snakes to a one-game lead, they'll take the series. Chicago plays tight when they get behind and tighter still in the postseason at Wrigley. Best case scenario for the Small Bears: Alfonso Soriano leads off the game tonight with a homer.

D-Backs in five.

Colorado Rockies vs. Philadelphia Phillies - Potentially the most entertaining of all the early-round matchups. Two hustling, scrappy teams that play balls-out. Tons of great young players that nobody's ever heard of. Naturally, MLB is burying the first two games in the three o'clock graveyard time slot. Heaven forbid that Joe Torre or Kevin Youkilis might pick their noses without all of America admiring their haul in prime time, right? Colorado has to be gassed after closing the season winning 13 of 14 and then enduring that 13-inning marathon play-in game with the Padres, right? I'm thinking so.

Phillies in four.

American League

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Diddy Ali vs. Boston Red Sox - It's a struggle to be objective here because I actively loathe the Red Sox. But when the Sox are on, they're a juggernaut. Beckett and Dice-K in the first two games? With Schilling waiting to take the mound for game three? Forget it.

Red Sox in a sweep. Four games, tops.

New York Yankees vs. Cleveland Indians - These two teams are so even that little things will decide this series. Cue up the "Blah, blah, blah....nobody does all the little things like Derek Jeter...blah, blah, blah" white noise. (Personally, I believe that...but liking Jeter makes you a pariah among "real" baseball fans.) The Yankees' starting pitching is iffy and, if I'm the Indians, I never want to go into the postseason counting on Paul Byrd. I give the Yanks a slight edge...thanks to their experience and a couple of guys named Chamberlain and Rivera. Borowski might blow one for the Tribe but those two will carry the Yanks into the ALCS.

Yankees in five.

Simply An Abomination

2007-10-02T12:28:00.001-04:00

I possess no sensibility that this cap does not offend. I mean...of course...good on the Rockies, but there's almost nothing in baseball much more bush league than celebrating "winning" the wild card. It makes rally monkeys look classy. Oh well, at least they aren't calling themselves the "Wild Card Champions" like the Mets did in 1999. Plus, it's ugly. Wild card team fans, root like crazy for your guys to advance so you can upgrade caps and send this thing to Goodwill...if not Hell itself.

Was Blind, But Now I See

2007-10-02T09:56:00.000-04:00

First of all: Most Unoriginal Blog Entry Title Ever! Seriously, do a Google search for "was blind but now I see" and check out how many times that phrase has been whipped out by my fellow self-absorbed, navel-gazing hacks. But...yeah...I finally got tired of not being able to read without discomfort and got myself checked out by an optometrist. I wore glasses for several years to correct a slight distance issue that was associated with migraines. That condition improved over the years and so I ditched those specs. Well, the examination yesterday revealed my distance viewing to still be slightly off...but the bigger issue was that I direly needed reading glasses. I'm not going blind...just "typical age-related degradation," as the doctor put it. His original prescription was for bifocals but, after some additional testing, he determined that the distance issue should still be okay for a few more years as long as I could read traffic signage and drive at night without squinting. When I told him about my spotless driving record, he okayed getting only reading glasses for the time being. Now even the phone book looks like it's in large print. Or, as I Twitted this morning, it's like the world is now in hi-def.

That was one pret-ty, pret-ty good October appetizer between the Padres and Rockies last night. Let's see...Peavy getting lit up? Check. Something crazy happening (like an obvious home run being missed by the umps or the winning run scoring despite the plate never being touched)? Check. Helton right there in the middle of things with a homer, a great catch, and scoring the tying run? Check. Rockies win? Check. Sometimes I scare myself with these predictions, folks.

Obama is moving to protect his left flank. That looks to me like a pitch to the voters who are drawn the old-school progressivism of John Edwards. He's apparently not going to go after Hillary agressively until the race is winnowed down to the two of them. Problem is, as the latest fund-rasing numbers demonstrate, the whole field except Hillary may be winnowed out after Iowa/New Hampshire. This is the third quarter, the time when initial "The race is on!" enthusiasm dampens and donors aren't as generous...yet the cash is still rolling in for Hillary. The nomination always follows the money.

Finally...Happy Bruceday, everybody!

Bowing Out: A Newt And A Bee

2007-10-01T10:39:00.000-04:00

What. A. Crock. Newt Gingrich really thought that he could go get "forgiven" by a fellow charlatan and scoundrel like the late Jerry Falwell and then extort the money he needed to run for President? Let me tell you...Newt couldn't be elected to the county commission of the reddest county in the reddest state. Did he not do any focus group studies before going off on this fool's errand? Newt Gingrich is, simply put, still one of the most despised figures in American politics today. Truth is, I'm almost sorry (but not at all surprised) that he punked out of the race because of the joy I would've taken in his inevitable winnowing-out after the Iowa caucuses. Oh, well...At least he's still got his little "non-partisan" think-tank where he can be the big, pale, doughy fish in a small pond. For a good laugh, check out Grift's take on just how non-partisan Newt's little side project really is.

Padres and Rockies for the National League wild card tonight. As crazy as it might be to pick against Jake Peavy, I have to go with the team that's delighted to be playing tonight over the team that led the wild card for weeks and considers this one-game playoff to be a pain in the ass. Plus, the game's in Colorado. I'm not real big on home-field advantages in baseball...but I've got a feeling that something crazy is going to happen at Coors Field tonight and the Rockies will somehow find a way to pull this one out. I'd love to see Todd Helton get a big hit to aid the effort. One of the game's unsung heroes.

Speaking of unsung heroes, how about this guy to the left? I've always had a soft spot for the Astros. I know the Braves always heard all the "choke" talk because they didn't win more world championships...but, thanks in large part to Atlanta, Houston usually never even got far enough to choke in the NLCS. But I came away with the utmost respect for Craig Biggio, Jeff Bagwell, Derek Bell, Brad Ausmus...heck even The Big Unit and Roger Clemens didn't seem like such bad guys when they were Astros. Bags left the stage last year and now Biggio's gone. Those two guys sure did their bit to restore respectablity to the term "Killer Bees." I won't miss his nasty-ass, pine-tar-encrusted batting helmet...but I'll miss Craig's hustle and classy demeanor. It'll be very weird to watch an Astros game next season and not see him out there. [Biggio pic courtesy of AP]

The Rebel Base Has Been Destroyed

2007-10-01T08:42:00.000-04:00

Georgia - 45, Ole Miss - 17. Boy, this was such a hectic weekend that I didn't get a chance to get my post-Georgia game Quick Prediction gloating up until just now. But, c'mon...Close until halftime? Georgia pulling away in the second half? Not too shabby, huh? And with Florida going down, all I can do is repeat what I've been saying to anyone who'll listen since the South Carolina game: This division race is far from over. It'll be tough next week going up to Rocky Top. It always is. I'll be listening to that game at Road Atlanta (Petit Le Mans weekend! Woot!) and hoping to hear some more of that classic, pound-it-out ball control offense that the Dawgs displayed this past weekend. You can look it up...When Georgia runs the ball, it's usually a good day for the red-and-black.

I Owe You One, Big Guy

2007-09-30T17:06:00.000-04:00

Remember this little blast of bad sportsmanship?

There is an ever increasing possibility that the Mets might gag up the division title after leading by seven games with only seventeen games remaining. Please, little baby Jesus, make this happen...and, if it's Your will (and think about it, it'd be awesome), I beseech thee to also make sure Tom Glavine gets shelled in the elimination-clinching loss.

Well, the Mets were indeed eliminated from postseason contention today. Tom Glavine was, in fact, on the mound. And here's his line: one-third of an inning, five hits, seven runs (all earned), two walks, he hit the opposing pitcher with the bases loaded and, just for good measure, he also committed a throwing error that allowed a run to score.

I just got an e-mail from my good friend Herb Urban expressing his sympathy for Tommy. And I've been asked by folks why I root so hard for him to get pounded in the postseason and in big games. It all goes back the day Glav first signed with the Mets and their fathead owner Fred Wilpon crowing at the time that Tommy would win another ring with the Mets, retire a Met, and go into the Hall of Fame wearing a Mets cap. From that day on, I vowed to root for Tommy to get creamed in every game that mattered for New York. Basically, I wanted Tom Glavine to be known forever as a Brave. I didn't want him to have a Mets legacy.

Guess what? Tom Glavine now has a Mets legacy.

Two (Really) Quick Predictions For Tomorrow

2007-09-29T22:36:00.000-04:00

And one quick request: Some drama, please!

Japanese Grand Prix - Fuji Speedway

1. Lewis Hamilton - McLaren
2. Fernando Alonso - McLaren
3. Kimi Raikkonen - Ferrari

LifeLock 400 - Kansas Speedway

1. Jeff Gordon
2. Matt Kenseth
3. Denny Hamlin

Life Is Good

2007-09-29T08:34:00.000-04:00

Say what you will about the 1964 Phillies...but at least they gagged it up on the road, against winning teams. The Mets have dug their own mass grave at home, where they've lost eight straight to the league's bottom-feeders. They've lost to journeyman starters like Joel Pineiro and to perennial punching bags such as last night's winning pitcher for the Marlins, Byung-Hyun Kim. They've blown leads almost every night. Big leads...four/five-run leads. They've made an astonishing number of errors, both physical (hey, it happens) and mental (inexcusable at this time of year). Shortstop Jose Reyes, known for his smiling and showboating when the Mets are winning, is sulking and half-assing it. Their manager, Willie Randolph, has mismanaged an already inept bullpen and benched a promising, multi-tool rookie who might've provided a spark, Lastings Milledge, in favor of washed-up veterans like Shawn Green and Jeff Conine. The fans have turned Shea Stadium into Boobird Central. Basically, it's been just about the greatest week of non-Braves baseball I've ever had the privilege of watching. [Pic courtesy of the New York Daily News]

Edited To Add: Sorry about that, Rockies. Inside straights, man.

Quick Prediction: The Georgia Game

2007-09-29T00:07:00.000-04:00

Sure, they're ripe for an emotional letdown and the temptation to look ahead to Tennessee will be great. But Georgia gets a lift from the home crowd and puts a close-at-halftime game away with a couple of unanswered second half scores.

Georgia - 27
Ole Miss- 13

Urine, Sports, Rock And Roll

2007-09-28T14:19:00.000-04:00

I'm sure that UGA President Michael Adams is getting roasted on all the Bulldog message boards today for his completely out-of-line, unreasonable suggestion that mature adults ought to be able to go four hours on gameday without showing their asses. Look, you may think that Adams is a strutting, preening, egomaniacal, card-carrying, full-tilt prick on shiny, mag wheels...but when he's right, he's right. That letter to the ABH a couple of weeks ago about football fans breaking into the arts building (and, yes, that's what it's called when you force open a locked door: breaking and entering) and proceeding to urinate into any hollowed-out space they could find was just disgusting. And that list of everything that's bugging me lately about football continues to grow...

I'm still enjoying this Mets meltdown every bit as much as...oh, maybe...five of the taken-for-granted division titles the Braves had in the middle of their run. If you're in the mood for some entertaining reading, head over to Baseball Think Factory and click on some of the game chats for the last few Mets losses. Of course, there have been some happy Braves fans over there living it up...not me, I swear!...and some poor-mouthing Mets fans lamenting, "No baseball fan should so much as even wish this kind of agony on a fellow fan." Boo-hoo. At least nobody's breaking into your house and peeing into your Gary Carter bobblehead.

It took maybe two, three classes...tops...for The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to become a Hall of Big-Selling Critics' Darlings. If you're really going to base induction on creativity, longevity, and influence, I only induct three out of this year's nominees: Madonna, Donna Summer, and Chic. Maybe the Beasties. Don't get me wrong, I love Leonard Cohen. Love him. But the only way he gets into something called The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is with a ticket. I have every John Mellencamp CD and I've seen the guy live many times. He put out the hands-down best album of the freaking year ("Scarecrow") the same year that "Purple Rain" and "Born in the U.S.A." came out. But he had only a three-or-four good-album run and then dropped off the charts. Those two guys will still most likely get in, though. My picks for the five top vote-getters: Madonna, Summer, Chic, Mellencamp, and Cohen. Beasties could sneak in there.

Finally...Back later with a Quick Prediction for the Georgia game. Until then...keep it in your pants, people.

Grab Bag Thursday

2007-09-27T10:20:00.001-04:00

I take it back. No witty musings about the debate last night. In fact, I dumped it off the TiVo without even watching it. Every pundit, spinner, and intraweb gasbag has declared that it was pretty much "Tenth verse, same as the first." Apparently Edwards advanced the ball down the field a little bit...but it sounds like it was yet another evening of agreeing-more-than-disagreeing and deferring to Hillary. If Edwards, who's strong in Iowa, can outperform expectations in the first few primaries, it could be over for Obama early. And that ever-hardening conventional wisdom from a couple of weeks ago, that the Obama campaign is in big trouble? That toothpaste ain't going back in the tube. Just Google "Obama campaign trouble" and see what I mean. At some point in the nearer-than-he-would-like future, Senator Obama may be forced to start considering an exit scenario that keeps his "rising Democratic star" status intact. In today's political climate, you stay in too long and you're damaged goods. There are no second acts. Just ask John Edwards, a guy who...based on his credentials and national resume...ought to be running neck-and-neck everywhere with Hillary.

Mittens, Rudy, John, Fred...there's still time to do the right thing.

Well, that was fun..for a little over a week, the Braves teased us all. They got, let's say, four cards of that inside straight they needed to draw in order to make the playoffs. But in Seven Card Stud, you have to pull all the cards...so the Bravos can go ahead and start making tee-times for next week. In much, much happier news, at least Braves fans still have this to enjoy.

The Jermain Taylor-Kelly Pavlik fight for the undisputed world middleweight championship (this Saturday night) is the best fight HBO has offered up in a decade. HBO usually shows mandatory title defenses. Fights where the champ picks some ham-and-egger from well down the top ten contenders list and pretty much phones it in. Pavlik's no bum. Jermain Taylor hasn't been in the ring with a fighter like Pavlik...a guy who's going to plant his heels in the mat and beat you relentlessly upside your head until you do something fierce to deter him. At the same time, Pavlik's never been in with a fighter as immensely gifted as Taylor. Taylor will be active and in motion...he'll make Pavlik expend energy pursuing him. He should beware, though...in knocking out Edison Miranda last spring, Pavlik showed a willingness to stalk his opponent deep into the fight if that's what it takes in order to start landing his big bombs. It's the oldest boxing cliche in the book: Styles make fights. These two fighters' styles couldn't be in sharper contrast. I can't wait.

I've been lucky enough to have a circle of friends that has racked up some serious accomplishments. I'm proud to say that I personally know a franchise-player NFL defensive end, a former WCW superstar, a Hollywood animator/anime voiceover actor, a WNBA standout, a professional golfer, a Naismith Award-winning basketball coach, and, of course, the deejay at Atlanta's hottest strip club. But, given the fantastic news posted by The Christian Agnostic, now I can finally say that I know a published author. And I have no doubt...none, at all...that I will eventually be able to call her a successful, highly-acclaimed author. Congratulations, Candace!

Finally...While I'm shamelessly dropping names, congratulations also to one of the mack daddies of my blogroll, Griftdrift, on his selection by Atlanta Magazine as the critics' pick for Best Blogger. Read him every day, as I do, and you'll end up living vicariously through him...as I do.

Navy Barracks Buildings, No Less

2007-09-26T14:53:00.000-04:00

Maybe pay a little closer attention to the blueprints next time?

My Hair And Other Sexy Things

2007-09-26T10:38:00.000-04:00

Let's get this over with first:

Here's the traditional "before-and-after" bit.

Just to clarify...As much as I thoroughly enjoyed watching Tom Glavine get his brains beat out last night and being booed off the mound at Shea Stadium, I'd still give anything if something could be worked out for Glav to come back and finish his career as a Brave. I got seriously burned on this situation over the winter...when everything pointed to Tommy's return for this season. But I know this game is all about business and if The Suspendered One said he couldn't crunch the numbers to make it work, I believe him. Maybe Liberty Media, the new owners, will loosen up the purse strings a little and bring Tommy home. He's family.

Of course, until then...or at least as long as he's a Met...eff him.

How can a story this awesome not be true? Total buzzkill.

Ric Flair was at the Nextel Cup race at Dover over the weekend and he was in full denial mode about reports that he had walked out on WWE because he wasn't happy with his proposed retirement storyline. Of course, like with any wrestler...but especially with Flair...you never know how much the guy is working the reporter to, in fact, advance said storyline. But the best thing in the interview was Ric's shout-out to Ric Flair Finance, his newest outside-the-ropes venture. I can't wait to tell Lauren when she gets home that we're buying a new house just so we can borrow the money from Ric Flair. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"Sprint Cup." I like that name even less than "Nextel Cup." Oh, well, at least it does sound like it could be vaguely racing-related. Just go ahead and rename the damn thing The Richard Petty Cup and let sponsors wrangle over the "presented by" credit every year.

Finally...The Democrats go at it for two hours on MSNBC tonight...live from New Hampshire. Me? I'll be watching baseball. But I'm TiVo-ing it and I'll have witty musings sometime tomorrow.

Extreme Makeover

2007-09-25T10:23:00.001-04:00

Enjoy a few last, longing looks at that profile picture. In about five hours, the long hair will be on my stylist's floor. I always had a short, succinct answer for my niece whenever she asked me why I wore my hair so long: "Because I'm not supposed to." And that's pretty much it. I was forced to keep it tennis-ball length through fifth grade...and I swore to anyone who listened that, when I grew up, I was going to grow my hair out as long as I wanted it. But it's time. When I was in the hospital for my heart attack, I did a fair amount of what Travis Bickle referred to as "morbid self-examination" and I began to see the long hair and the flabby middle as symptoms of sloth, not rebellion. Of a guy who had basically let himself go. I resolved that, when I got through this health scare, I was going to start running regularly again and that I was going to take control of what I put into my body. Anything to buy a little more time with my wife and kids, you know?

Well...here we are...five months later, miles and miles of pavement pounded, red meat all but eliminated from my diet, and twenty-plus pounds lighter. The hair is the only visual reminder left of "that guy." So, it's gotta go. Make no mistake...it'll still be shaggy and not "short" by conventional description. But's it's not going to get in my freaking food anymore...or take hours to dry after running, that's for sure. Watch this space: New profile pic coming soon.

57 Channels (And Nothin' On)

2007-09-24T07:55:00.000-04:00

Truth is, since we have DirecTV, it's actually more like 157 but, still...I just got through programming the TiVo for the upcoming fall season last night and here's what we're looking at:

Monday - WWE Monday Night RAW, Heroes

Tuesday - House, Dirty Jobs

Wednesday - Kitchen Nightmares, Mythbusters

Thursday - Smallville, Survivor, The Office, 30 Rock

Friday - WWE Friday Night Smackdown!

Saturday - [Nothing]

Sunday - Curb Your Enthusiasm

I know that we'll be adding more stuff that premieres a few months down the road (The Amazing Race, 24, Battlestar Galactica, RENO 911!)...but, wow...I hadn't really realized how few shows we're actually watching these days. Which is just as well, since we can barely make time for what we do watch. Also, I noticed there's only one new fall show in the lineup...though I may end up giving Bionic Woman a look. The point is...I used to consider myself a real TV addict. So I'm surprised to see that the actual number of shows I watch isn't that great. Or is it? How many shows do you guys make a point of not missing? [Smashed TV pic courtesy of a genuine TV Junkie]

I'd say he's all-in, holding a low pair, got no love from the flop, and he's sweating the turn.

In sports, the only thing worse than being bad is being bad and boring. The Falcons are bad and boring. A season that was over before it ever even started is well on its way to becoming a full-blown fiasco. Does the NFL keep records for the number of no-shows?

In light of the heroics of Buford's own Mikey Henderson in the Georgia overtime win at 'Bama over the weekend, it's fitting...and necessary...and not at all braggy...to point out that the number-one-ranked Wolves have stormed out of the gates to a 5-0 start, outscoring their opposition to the tune of a cumulative 220-19.

If these things really do happen in threes, Shields and Yarnell should probably watch out for falling pianos.

Thinking about cleaning your gutters? Here's a tip: DON'T. Hire somebody. Man...Two days later, I'm still recovering from some ill-advised roof and ladder time. I knew it was a bad idea, too. As soon as my foot hit the first rung, I could almost hear Elmo and the kids screaming, "No, no, Mr. Noodle! Don't climb the ladder!" Roof work and chronic back trouble simply don't play well together.

Finally...This is the 100th post here at HYH. I'd like to send a big "Thank you" out to all of my loyal readers and commenters. You two know who you are.

Alabama Getaway

2007-09-22T23:25:00.000-04:00

Georgia - 26, Alabama - 23 [OT]. How 'bout them damn Dawgs? And how 'bout Buford's own Mikey Henderson? There was maturity and poise in the waning moments of this game...as opposed to the stumbling and flop-sweating we saw versus South Carolina. The offense controlled the ball (an almost ten minute advantage in time of possession), doing just enought to win....while the defense held the Tide to a dismal 3-of-15 conversion rate on third down. Best of all, nobody panicked when a long field goal attempt at the end of regulation just went wide. Like I said, poise and maturity...and, I'm sure, a huge dose of confidence for a team still in search of an identity. Around the league, South Carolina lost and Florida looked very mortal against Georgia's next opponent, Ole Miss. I'm telling you, this division is still up for grabs.

One Quick Prediction For Tomorrow

2007-09-22T21:23:00.000-04:00

The Cup boys are in Dover this week...a real cheese-grater of a track for tires. A fantastic qualifying performance by Juan Pablo Montoya puts him, surprisingly, on the outside pole. I don't think he'll finish there, though:

Dodge Dealers 400 - Dover International Speedway

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Kurt Busch
3. Kevin Harvick

Quick Prediction: The Georgia Game

2007-09-21T21:29:00.000-04:00

Simply put, I don't think this Georgia team is ready to win a big game on the road yet. I hope I'm wrong. I see a defensive struggle, with the home crowd lifting the Tide "D" for some crucial late game stops. If this game was in Athens, I'd go with us by a field goal...as it is, I say:

Alabama - 17
Georgia - 14

Free Range Friday

2007-09-21T08:37:00.000-04:00

I've added my old friend and ex-tag team partner Herb Urban (pictured) to the blogroll. His joint instantly becomes your go-to destination for all things John Oates. It's been a long time since we burnt Memphis to the ground...but Herb's always been there for the hot tag whenever I needed to make it and he gives the absolute best illegal leverage. You haven't lived until you've heard his whiskey-soaked, ragged-but-right throwdown of "If I Could Turn Back Time." Plus, it's his anniversary...so drop by and offer some congratulations for Herb and his hot, thoroughly undemanding wife.

You know things are unraveling for the Red Sox when Curt Schilling can't wait to change the subject to how his Fantasy Football team is doing. And...for the life of me...I can't imagine how I managed to leave Fantasy Football off the list of things that are currently driving up the wall about that particular sport. It's everywhere...jacking threads, derailing on-topic conversation. Everybody...shut up about your Fantasy Football team. Shut up...shut up...SHUT UP.

Oh...and speaking of unraveling...what a couple of games last night in the NL East race. Tonight becomes the biggest game of the year, maybe of the last five years, for the Mets. If Pedro can right the ship against the Marlins, that could be something for New York to rally around and inspire them to close the deal in the division. But if Pedro goes out tonight and gets shelled, the psychological damage could be worse than the hit they'll take in the standings. You know he's not ready to go nine...so at some point Pedro will have to come out and they'll turn one more time that overworked and highly combustible bullpen. September baseball, man...not even Dane Cook can spoil it (try hard though he might).

Cycling makes pro-wrestling look like a Straight Edge rave.

Not that it was anywhere near my must-see list...but there is now officially no reason whatsoever to see the "Sex And The City" movie: The only hot chick's character is pregnant and, thus, will most likely not be getting naked.

Who needs Peter? I mean, come on...Was there ever any question that Jan Brady was bi-curious? "Marcia, Marcia....Marciaaaaaa...:

Newt Gingrich has inspired me so much with his selfless plea for Americans to ask...nay, demand...that he run for President by opening up their checkbooks that I'm throwing this out there: You guys raise...tell you what...I'll low-ball it...five thousand bucks, send it to me, and I'll fly out to California and hit on Jennifer Love Hewitt. Same likelihood of raising the money, same likelihood of desired result. Where in the blue hell is Newt getting the idea that anybody wants him to be President, anyway? He's obviously spending way too much time at Peach Pundit.

Finally...Georgia/'Bama Quick Prediction tonight and, as always, watch out for the Yeti!

Who's The Most Hated Gagne Ever?

2007-09-20T14:45:00.000-04:00

I think Greg may have finally lost that coveted title.

I'm really torn over this one. First and foremost, I don't want the Yankees any closer to the Braves' record for consecutive division titles than they are now (petty, I know...but, with only one World Series win out of the whole deal, one takes what one can get). But on the other hand, anything that makes the "Red Sox Nation" clutch its collective pearls is all right with me. Sure, I rooted for the Sox in 2004...who didn't? But, like any decent citizen, there's only so much Curt Effing Schilling I can take.

So you can imagine my horror when this topic was brought up over at Rowland's Office. At the time, as I said in the comments section, I can't even put into words how much I loathe the idea of Curt Schilling as a Brave. Thirty-plus years as a fan and I can't think of another scenario in which I would find it more difficult to root for my favorite team. I'd rather have a bullpen of Bob Wickman, Dan Kolb, Chris Reitsma, Jim Clancy, and Jeff Reardon.

Finally...The PGA's going to start testing for steroids:

That means the party's OVER, Tim Herron!

Nothing But Politics Today

2007-09-19T09:08:00.000-04:00

"Scheduling conflicts," my ass. You think for five seconds these guys wouldn't drop everything on their schedule if the NRA wanted them to speak tomorrow? And they can "re-schedule" under pressure/shame if they like...but the damage is already done. They look like they have to be dragged kicking and screaming against their will to talk to black folks. You won't hear me agreeing with Newt Gingrich very often but he flat-out nailed this one. It is baloney...smothered with BS.

Wrong Said Fred: Am I going to have to eat my words about Fred? It was pre-HYH, but I was going around telling everyone that if Fred got into the race, he'd be formidable. Well, he's stumbled out of the gate at a speed of roughly one gaffe-per-minute. He's one more big brain poot away from Dan Quayle "What's this goober going to say next?" territory. Maybe I'll go to one of his town hall meetings here in Georgia and ask about drilling Lake Lanier for oil or mining gold out of Stone Mountain.

Or, maybe not...after all, I wouldn't want to get tasered. Now, I'm as down with civil liberties as the next guy but...guess what?...no, really....are you sitting down?...it turns out that Andrew Meyer is an "online prankster" who was there with every intention of showing his ass. I think the saturation video coverage documented by Grift (which, the hell?...was NFL Films shooting this?) more than adequately conveys this guy's asshattery and he seems not a bit worse for wear following his ordeal. I think he's lucky he didn't "accidentally" get tasered right in the jimmy.

Senator Barbara Boxer was on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" this week, wearing someone else's pants and throwing up her hands at the government's inability to keep the dry cleaners from accidentally giving your stuff away. Lousy Democrats!

You think they gave Larry Craig a wide berth when he went to the Senate bathroom? Or was the entire GOP delegation in there together, toes tapping like the opening of "My Three Sons"?

See...now this is exactly the kind of thing that I was worried about when I posted this. The runaway news monster abhors a vacuum. They are only going to write that you are desperately behind for so long before they start writing you off. And with this culture's addled attention scan, conventional wisdom solidifies almost overnight. Obama's got to start getting some traction, soon...and I'm not sure this is the way to do it. Do "tax plans" inspire anything other than eyerolls anymore?

Finally...since all politics is local...Re-elect Big Jim Mercer Mayor of Winterville!

I Live For This

2007-09-19T08:20:00.000-04:00

Here's Joel Sherman of the New York Post, doing

some gloating around the time of Tom Glavine's 300th win:

"It is quite a ripple. Remove Glavine's 13 wins and 23 quality

starts (tied for third in the NL with Atlanta's Tim Hudson, one

behind Atlanta's John Smoltz) and move them to the Braves,

and Atlanta probably wins the division.

In that scenario, the Mets' 2006 NL East title takes on the tinge of fluke."

Hey? Joel? Any other scenarios where we get that tinge? If the Mets pull off the most epic collapse in MLB history, maybe?

Official "Tinge of Fluke" Watch: 1.5 games.

[Pic credit to AP]

Are You There God? It's Me, Mike

2007-09-18T07:19:00.000-04:00

In the midst of another drama-free September as far as the Braves are concerned, the tantalizing possibility of redemption for this baseball season looms: There is an ever increasing possibility that the Mets might gag up the division title after leading by seven games with only seventeen games remaining. Please, little baby Jesus, make this happen...and, if it's Your will (and think about it, it'd be awesome), I beseech thee to also make sure Tom Glavine gets shelled in the elimination-clinching loss.

O.J. Update: There's an old adage in politics that says: "You should never interfere when your opponent is doing his best to destroy himself." The Goldman family should heed those words.

Of course, there's another popular political adage that says: "What's bad for closeted homosexual Republicans is good for Minnesota tourism." Well, there you go.

Watch out, Obama! Alan Keyes is back! And you know he's always had your number. Seriously, aren't voters already unhappy enough with the GOP field without this C-list, two-time loser jumping in to save the day? Oh well...at least Keyes is mean and intolerant enough to possibly accuse Mitt of being hellbound or to call out Rudy on his infidelity at an upcoming debate. So there's that to look forward to...

Truthfully, all the Keyes "buzz" is moot because everybody knows it's all going to come down to either Cap Fendig or Ray McKinney anyway. Who knew that the Georgia Coastal Empire was such a hotbed of presidential candidates?

You know what's the most pathetic aspect of the Falcons bringing back Morten Andersen yet again? The fact that he instantly becomes their most marketable personality. What? Does DeAngelo Hall move season tickets? Would you so much as cross the street to watch Joey Harrington play for free? Maybe they'll designate Morten as their franchise player.

Finally...If there's one charge that Britney's custody battle judge would almost certainly let her skate on, it's hiring a hit man and having K-Fed whacked.

Enjoy Some Scrapple

2007-09-17T10:16:00.000-04:00

Just this, that, and the other today (I was up late, last night and working again early this morning on an outside project...so I'm all written-out):

Perfect prediction for the Belgian Grand Prix...yes!

At Unforgiven last night, the big Cena/Orton WWE title match barely made it into the ring before being called a DQ at the eight-minute mark. What a rip-off...glad I didn't shell out forty bucks.

O.J.: "If the stuff is mine, you must not confine."

Terrible, snooze-inducing Chase opener yesterday in Nextel Cup. Good on Clint Bowyer, though. He's had this coming for a long time.

I haven't seen officials conspire to give a football game away like the zebras did at Arkanasas/Alabama in a long time. Just an absolutely brutal pass-interference call in the end zone and then the most casual, standing-around-twiddling-thumbs clock restart following a first down ever. EVER. They looked like they were asking the 'Bama players, "You rested now? You okay? Need a little more time? We can give you a little more time. No problem. You need it?" Poor Houston Nutt looked like he was about to vapor-lock on the Razorback sideline. Horrible.

I'm sorry...but I've always thought this woman was a lot more "old pal" to Brian Nichols than "hostage." To the extent that she's got her crap together and improved her lot in life...well, okay...congratulations, I guess. But she still irks.

Finally...In an Appalachian State-like upset, "30 Rock" took home the Outstanding Comedy Series Emmy last night over "The Office." I implore you...if you're not watching "30 Rock," give it a shot in a couple of weeks. Jerry Seinfeld is guesting on the season premiere. Go rent the DVDs from this last season. You'll laugh a lot. Promise.

Two Quick Predictions For Tomorrow

2007-09-15T22:44:00.000-04:00

Formula One is at the historic, magnificent Spa circuit and The Chase for the Nextel Cup begins. Let's get after it:

Belgian Grand Prix at Spa-Francorchamps

You have to figure that morale is way down at McLaren this week after being fined a hundred million bucks and being disqualified from the constructors' championship in the aftermath of the McLaren/Ferrari industrial espionage case. Now they have to contend with Spa, the sort of classic, winding circuit with intense elevation changes that Ferraris have traditionally dominated. Watching Michael Schumacher effortlessly navigate Spa was always one of the high points of any given F1 season. His successors at The Scuderia will carry the day tomorrow.

1. Kimi Raikkonen - Ferrari
2. Felipe Massa - Ferrari
3. Fernando Alonso - McLaren

Sylvania 300 at New Hampshire International Speedway

The Chasers finally get serious tomorrow. And nobody gets serious like Tony Stewart.

1. Tony Stewart
2. Jimmie Johnson
3. Kurt Busch

Catamounts To Nothing

2007-09-15T21:16:00.000-04:00

Georgia - 45, Western Carolina - 16. There's so little to say about this glorified scrimmage that I just want to make a quick observation about the Tennessee/Florida game. I thought the guy was a joke, albeit an athletically gifted one, last year when they were just using him in running situations. But after what he's done to start this season...especially today's performance...it must be said: Tim Tebow is a freaking phenom. Go ahead and start working him into the Heisman mix right now.

Quick Prediction: The Georgia Game

2007-09-14T21:18:00.000-04:00

Georgia regroups, refocuses, and rolls up on the hopelessly overmatched (but coolly named) Catamounts.

Georgia - 44
Western Carolina - 10

Going Wobbly

2007-09-14T09:16:00.000-04:00

When the first President Bush (the good-ish one) was considering a course of retaliation for Iraq's invasion of Kuwait, he phoned up then-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher for counsel. Her famous words were, "Remember, George, this is no time to go wobbly." Guess what? When it comes to my choice for the Democratic nomination for President, I've gone wobbly. I was on the Obama train early on...going all the way back to his stemwinding keynote speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. I've hit the streets for the man, participating in the national Walk For Change on a ninety-plus-degree Saturday afternoon in downtown Athens. Still, the seemingly unmovable national poll numbers and Senator Obama's own rhetorical missteps have me, well, wobbling. I've been expressing this wobbliness to my wife in a running percentage based on where my thoughts are regarding Obama and Hillary Clinton on any given day. I love the Clintons. Always have. So right from the beginning, my own inner poll was something like Obama: 70%, Hillary: 30%. Today, I'd say I'm somewhere around...oh...Obama: 54%, Hillary: 46% and rising.

I mean...look at these numbers. It looks like Obama got a bump in the summer...right around the time of the Walk For Change and the announcement of his phenomenal fundraising numbers. But other than that, it's a rock-solid, double-digit lead for Hillary over the course of the last nine months. As a matter of more practical, tangible concern, I worry about Obama's inexperience on the national stage. Not that I don't think he'd be a fine President from day one...I do. But being a new face leaves him open to being defined by the Republicans and their lethal, but effective, opposition research/character assassination apparatus. Say what you will about Hillary, she is already firmly defined in the eyes of the electorate. The good news for Democrats is that her definition is not nearly as dire as the likes of Karl Rove would have you believe.

So, I'll wobble on. Ultimately, this kind of dilemma is far preferable to the one I had in 2004...namely, squinting and cocking my head while perusing the field in hopes of finding somebody I could vote for without twitching uncontrollably. I could walk into the voting booth and yank a handle right now for either Obama or Hillary with enthusiasm and commitment. And the polling numbers could, and in fact probably will, move when we get a few more weeks down the road and Obama opens that huge war chest and starts airing commercials. At any rate...game on. And may the best candidate win.

And now, the most ridiculous transition in tone and content I have ever made on this blog: A brief DVD review of The Marine...starring my homeboy and non-sexual mancrush, WWE Heavyweight Champion John Cena. First off? Okay, this is not exactly a Merchant-Ivory production. It's a straight-up homage to the Schwarzenegger/Stallone escapist, implausible, blow-everything-straight-to-Kingdom-Come action/adventure flicks of the eighties. Indestructable hero, impossibly hot love interest, doofus sidekick, wisecracking black guy, angry scowling Latino...they're all here. Plot? Who needs one? But, if you do, Cena plays a Marine one-man-battallion who was unfairly (of course) drummed out of the Corps for going against orders and killing about twenty terrorists with his bare hands. Upon returning home, he discovers he has anger-management issues that come in pretty handy, along with his Marine training, when his wife is kidnapped by jewel thieves. There you go.

Director John Bonito puts it best in the film's making-of feature on the DVD: "If we built it, we blew it up." Plus, the darn thing is over in less than ninety minutes. It's the movie equivalent of a king-sized Snickers bar...tasty, filling, and not a damn bit good for you (a compliment, BTW). Robert Patrick has a field day as the bad guy, furiously chewing up scenery and tossing off one-liners. Yes, there's even a Terminator 2 gag in there...a quick one, but it's a chuckle. As for The Champ? I gotta tell you, Cena acquits himself pretty well. He's always been terrific on the mic in WWE and he has charisma to spare. The problem is that the part of John Triton(!), the titular Marine, is far too serious and somber. It would've been better if the writers would've taken the character's stoney demeanor even farther and played it for camp, like Leslie Nielsen in...well, almost every movie he's made the last two decades. As it is, just enough of Cena's charm and good humor shines through to make you wish there had been a lot more of it on display. Luckily, the DVD has a lengthy bonus feature on John's wrestling career...where he can be seen in his element. With the right scripts, Cena should be able to carve out his own niche of the Hollywood action/adventure market, much like The Rock has done.

The bottom line (Hey! Wrong wrestler!)? Tread extremely lightly if you're not an action buff or wrestling fan. But I thought The Marine was a lot of fun.

Finally, back with a Quick Prediction for the Georgia game tonight. Later, taters.

Throwing A Flag

2007-09-13T07:42:00.000-04:00

The lede from this recent John Kaltefleiter piece in the ABH just makes me sick (the "Mike" referred-to is Georgia offensive coordinator Mike Bobo):

The middle-aged man wore glasses and emerged from behind a concrete pillar on the second-level of Sanford Stadium.

His tirade started harmlessly, then escalated into a crescendo of expletive-laced phrases.

"Mike, that was (bleeping) pathetic," he yelled. "What kind of (bleeping) playcalling was that? You suck."

And it's not just because this guy got to write a big-ass check for the privilege of gettting into Sanford Stadium to cuss out a Georgia hero while my brother and I, who sat through every game of the Goff and Donnan eras without emitting so much as a single boo, have been priced out of season tickets. No, this has been eating at me for a while. As thrilling as I still find the game between the lines, I'm starting to hate almost everything else associated with football.

If it's not Mike Bobo getting verbally abused by some stranger, it's a guy almost getting his testicles ripped off for wearing the wrong team's t-shirt. It's Mike Vick and dogfighting. It's the insistence of a huge plurality of fans that the games are unenjoyable, if not pointless, without being practically soaked in alcohol. Hell, it's those idiots who jangle their keys at Michigan games or anyone who still thinks waving a cardboard-cutout "D" and a section of fencing around is still funny or original. Or maybe it's just me. But the football culture in this country is starting to tear my nerves up.

Of all the Steven Spielberg-movie scenarios that could possibly come to pass in real life, I'm not sure how highly I would've rated "A.I." in terms of plausibility. Well, whaddaya know?

You know...as far as I'm concerned, they could build a strip-mall of churches in downtown Jefferson if it would keep the screaming street preachers and their giant, graphic photos of aborted fetuses out of the main square. I'm half convinced that those leather-lunged goobers are the main reason downtown Jefferson got bypassed a few years ago.

Finally...you can't talk about goobers without winding your way back to my former homeland, Gwinnett County, and their tightass attempts at legislating anything remoting resembling the pagan ritual known as "fun" out of existence in their Zod-forsaken, ultraconservative F.U.-topia. Makes a fella appreciate living here...where I can drink a beer, shoot pool, and watch strippers all at the same time. And that's just on campus.

All "One-Line Cheap Shots" Edition

2007-09-12T07:49:00.000-04:00

-Will Fred now deny putting up a site about Mitt's magic underwear?

-Besides, how magic can their underwear be if it gets into a bunch this easily?

-Oh, cool...now I can ignore it from 25 miles closer to me!

-Well, there goes that potential McKinney vs. McKinney dream match-up.

-You see? Going there just hasn't worked out for anybody.

-Who says it takes balls for a Texas fan to throw down with some Boomer Sooners?

-But...her body was actually the best thing about that "performance."

-Hey, not for nothing do they call 'em "The Chain Gang."

-"Once you get past the totalitarianism and attempted genocide, it was great stuff."

-Ever see Olive Oyl? Tell me Popeye wasn't at least half-blind.

-Finally, a little perspective for all the agonizers here in Athens.

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