Okay...I'm giving Zoe a bath after school today:
First of all...thank you, Lord, for one last opportunity to tee off on that philandering and fear-mongering dirtbag Rudy Giuliani (pictured). Rudy said in his RNC speech last night that he doesn't know what a community organizer does. This, of course, got a big laugh from the almost 100% rich-ass, white crowd. First of all, from where does Rudy Giulani derive the moral authority to question anybody about anything? This is a schmuck whose organizational skills include organizing NYPD and State Patrol escorts for his mistress on the taxpayers' dime. If the Republicans actually put any stock in this "family values" claptrap that they pander to the Christian right with, Rudy would never even make it onto the stage. He'd be up in the cheap seats, next to Levi "fuckin' redneck" Johnston, swapping roofie stories and shocker techniques. Instead, since it was Red Meat Night at the RNC, they decided to trot out Mitt Romney and Rudy, two already despised-and-rejected Republican primary washouts, to show their asses. Mittens was his usual douchey self, leaving a trail of vinegary footprints to and from the podium...but Rudy had a question. So let's answer it.
"Johnston cuts loose a seed! Straight into the five-hole!"
I'm not sure that I have anything to add to the sentiment expressed so eloquently by the above artwork. I'd love to be able to credit the original creator but, as near as I can tell, it's been floating around the intertubes so freely the last couple of months that its much-deserved creative credit has somehow fallen through the cracks. Whoever you are, be you dude or dudette, you rock.
With the Democratic convention getting cranked up tonight, I figured it was time to pop off about politics again. I haven't blogged about the presidential race lately because...well, frankly...because the subject tears my nerves up. Look at where we're at now: A Republican president with historically abysmal approval ratings. Democrats holding a big lead in party self-identification. An unpopular war rages on while the economy tanks...all under George W. Bush's watch. And yet, this race is still anybody's for the taking (at least according to the polls) right now. We'll see how things shake down after Labor Day...but I still just can't see McCain shaking all the historical trends working against him in this election. Besides the bad news I just outlined, he also has meta-narratives to overcome. Young always beats old. Change always beats more of the same. Among McCain and Obama supporters, the passion gap is massive. Did you see the response to Obama after his speech in Germany? After the Biden introduction speech? Unreal. Do you see anyone straining, leaning wayyy out over the barricades, extending their fingers as far as they'll stretch...just for a touch from McCain? I mean, the answer to that isn't just "No"...it's "Eww."
Yesterday, "The Day That Never Comes"...the first official, completed track from Metallica's upcoming Death Magnetic album was made available for download. (You can also just stream it on the 'Talllica website, if you prefer.) At first listen...and I say that after several listens, actually...I'd say "TDTNC" sounds like what would happen if "Fade To Black" and "One" had a baby that was raised on the Load album by its foster parents, "The Unforgiven" and "The Unforgiven II." That, by the way, is a compliment. The St. Anger coffee can drums are history, guitar solos are back in a big way and...good god...Het's soaring lead vocal is to die for. A very nice surprise given how strained and croaky he's sounded at just about every show this summer (except Bonnaroo...you got a good one, Jamer). There's a suprisingly melodic bassline courtesy of the new guy, Robert Trujillo, and the song simply feels epic.
Since the Georgia Bigfoot turned out to be bullshit, I'm not sure I believe in anything, either. Except maybe pro-wrestling. (sniff)
I had my regular six-month check-up appointment with my cardiologist today. Things went pretty swimmingly until he remembered that, in addition to the blocked artery that was opened via angioplasty, there was a second artery that wasn't blocked yet...but one that he still thought needed to be monitored closely. He flagged me down just as I was getting ready to check out and ordered an immediate Echo Stress Test. Basically, he added an additional hour-and-a-half, much of it to be spent on a freaking treadmill, to the appointment. Great. So, I dutifully did my waiting room time (40 minutes!) before trudging once more into the echo chamber. Chest shaving ensued, along with gluing electrodes to my Sasquatchian upper-torso, smearing me with sticky goo from the ultrasound probe, and...finally...the main event, putting me on a treadmill and trying their goddamndest to make me have another heart attack.
Hey, don't just take my word for it:
Farcical and Shameless Olympic Boxing Scoring Goes On.
Britain Coach Blasts Judges After 'Stupid' Scoring in Murray Defeat.
I know, I know...I promised from Jump Street that I wouldn't do any "Daddy Blogging." But this is a big event. Things are about to change and stay changed for the next 14 years. Long story short? I just can't wrap my head around Zoe starting Pre-K next week. Has it really been four years since I picked her up for the first time? All 3-pounds-and-change of her (she was born six weeks ahead of schedule). I can't stand for her to be out of my sight. When she spends the night over at "Grammy's house," I wonder what she's doing...what she's thinking...what she's eating or drinking...when she's going to bed...is she asleep yet? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? And now I'm getting ready to turn her over, for six hours every day, to people I don't know. People I've never even met (not yet, anyway).
Stone-cold serious question. Lately, Zoe's been all about the "knock knock" jokes. She's four now....and she's experiencing the zazz of a well-delivered punch line for the first time. I have no doubt that she's well on the way to becoming Winterville Elementary Pre-K's Ralph Malph when she starts in a couple of weeks. Like all good raconteurs, Zoe is down with the classics. Here are the hot "knock knock"-ers in her rotation right now:
The Cars were by far the biggest-selling New Wave/skinny-tie band. And they didn't wear out their welcome...six albums and out. "Just What I Needed" still jumps out of the radio at you today just like it did the day it was released. Heartbeat City was one of the essential albums of the eighties. They managed to make some of the most innovative and enjoyable videos of MTV's heyday despite not having a thimble of charisma between all five members of the band combined. The dudes from Fountains of Wayne (hey, "Stacy's Mom" sounds like it came straight from side two of The Cars' Candy-O) could handle the induction duties.
Cheap Trick would have to take a rare night off to be inducted. They're still out there...playing 200-plus nights a year just as they have for the past three decades. They are responsible for "Surrender," the most underrated rock anthem of all time. They had that amazing run of Heaven Tonight, Live At Budokan, and Dream Police. They were glam. They were New Wave. They were metal. They were pop. They oughtta be in the Hall. I'm sure die-hard Trickster Billy Corgan would be pleased to deliver a few induction remarks on their behalf.
Well, today was the big race. The first annual Dawg Trot 5K, benefiting the University of Georgia Alumni Association. This was the race, on the campus of my beloved alma mater, that I chose to be my "comeback" event...my first race since suffering a heart attack almost a year ago. I had three goals coming into this race: 1. Have fun. 2. Finish. 3. Have enough left in the tank to be passing people at the end. I was so unconcerned about my finishing time that I didn't even wear my watch.You know what else you choose? You choose which preachers you want to invite to the White House to beg for absolution and forgiveness after you've been busted for carrying on with one of the interns."He would not have been my pastor," Clinton said. "You don't choose your family, but you choose what church you want to attend."
Gary Hart and Abdullah (pictured) were made for each other. Abdullah, now an Atlanta restauranteur, was the one wrestler that always scared the living crap out of me as a kid. On nights that Georgia Championship Wrestling came to town, my buddies and I used to stake out the parking lot of the local gym in Buford to watch the wrestlers arrive. It was always such a trip to watch Abdullah drive up in an ordinary compact car, gather up his gear, and then immediately get into character as soon as he spotted us. He would usually perform a judo thrust in our direction, accompanied with a menacing grunt...and we would run like hell. 
“I’m not going to be any vice president to John McCain either, that’s not going to happen.”It must be nice for your every utterance on the record to be nothing more than a first draft, to be struck through with your inner red editing pen at will. Still, I wouldn't bet against a McCain/Romney marriage of convenience. After all, McCain fell right back into Dubya's loving arms after getting slimed repeatedly by Bush during the 2000 campaign. I say bring Mittens on. There's not a Democrat on Barack or Hillary's VP short lists that wouldn't humiliate this emptiest of suits in a debate. And it gets Dan Quayle off the national punchline hook. Call it the 20-Year Mercy Rule.
