Zoe Writes Her First Song

Okay...I'm giving Zoe a bath after school today:

Zoe: "Dad, can I sing you a song I wrote myself?"

Me: "You wrote a song?"

Zoe: "Yes."

Me: "I'd love to hear it. By all means...sing."

Zoe (singing): "I love my fa-mi-ly. Mom-my and Gabe-and-me."

Me (aghast): "What about me? I'm part of your family too!"

Zoe: "Oh, yeah...I forgot."

Gee...thanks, kid!

Today's Big Election News

WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS!

Oh, yeah. The Dow totally tanked, too. But, more importantly...

WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS! WILLIAM AYERS!

Shut Up About "Lipstick On A Pig"

We should've seen this coming. Everybody knows that Barack Obama and John McCain are going to hug it out together for the 9/11 anniversary tomorrow. Mutual praise will be dished out and both candidates will decry how the campaign has turned ugly and stupid while promising a "fresh start." Of course, that means you have to spend the days leading up to 9/11 slinging as much mud over the transom as possible. Today (9/10), in fact, is "How Low Can You Go?" day. McCain gives us a detestable "ad" casting Obama as a leering perv who wants to teach kindergarten kids about sex. Obama, shockingly, returns fire by calling McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin, a pig. Well...except he didn't. He said, correctly, that trying to pass off four more years of Republican rule as "change" was like trying to put lipstick on a pig. That's what he said. Read it yourself. If you see Sarah Palin being called a pig in there somewhere, then you're being all touchy-feely sensitive and easily offended. And we Democrats will not stand for that kind of brazen encroachment on our emotional property. [...sniff...]

Seriously, Republicans? Shut up about this one. S...T...EFF...U. Barack Obama most certainly did not call Sarah Palin a pig. So knock off the fake righteous indignation. Stop clutching your pearls and frantically fanning yourselves over something you clearly don't really believe. It's pathetic coming from a socio-political class that revels in tough talk from their chickenhawk pissboys in nutbar talk-radio. I mean, just think about it. What is the one thing you guys resent the most about Obama? The one thing that scares you to death? No, no...the other thing. The fact that he's smart. For a guy as smart as Barack Obama to suddenly decide to call Sarah Palin a name with the whole goddamn world watching would take nothing less than a complete break with political reality. Or a suicidal urge to torpedo his own campaign. And if he did have that break with political reality...or he did want to torpedo his own campaign...don't you think he'd at least get his money's worth and call her a lying twatwaffle? It's crap. You don't believe it...so shut up about it.

Hell, I'm willing to go on record: Sarah Palin is not a pig.

As far as I know.

The Rifleman...Holy Crap!

I recently picked up an el cheapo DVD that has four episodes of The Rifleman on it. The Rifleman, for those not familiar, was a TV Western that ran in the late fifties about a widowed rancher named Lucas McCain (Chuck Connors) with a modified Winchester '94 rifle that fired by simply cocking it and a young son named Mark (Johnny Crawford). I remember watching the show as a kid back in the seventies when it ran nightly at 7:00 PM on channel 17. Mostly I remember that bad-ass opening with Chuck Connors firing off ten or so rounds and then walking down the street...reloading and glowering at the camera. Iconic stuff, really.

What I didn't remember, until watching the episodes on the DVD, was that The Rifleman was hands-down one of the most violent shows in the history of television...and I mean that in an incredibly awesome way. I want the whole series now...even though the plots are rather formulaic, to say the least. The four half-hour(!) episodes on the DVD play out like this:

- Lucas and Mark are working on something at the ranch. A need to run into town arises. They go into town together.

- Once in town, they are immediately accosted by 8-10 roughnecks who make fun of Lucas for not carrying a pistol. Lucas brandishes his rifle and warns them that he could, if properly provoked, shoot every damn one of them in the chest at point-blank range before they could even draw their sidearms.

- The roughnecks don't appreciate being talked to like that. They plan to follow Lucas and Mark home and get the drop on them at nightfall.

- That night, Lucas puts Mark to bed. The roughnecks break in and, sure enough, they have the drop on Lucas...that is, until Mark flings open the bedroom door and, in his nightshirt no less, tosses Lucas his rifle.

- Lucas catches the rifle and shoots every damn one of the roughnecks in the chest at point-blank range before they can even draw their sidearms. Then, with the corpses of the dead still strewn everywhere around the house, he gently puts Mark back to bed with a kiss to the forehead.

Check out the YouTube below for a taste of The Rifleman. He even shoots Sammy Davis Jr. in the chest at point-blank range in this video. I swear I think a young Sam Peckinpah must've directed some of this stuff. "Eat hot lead, Hoss and Little Joe!" BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!

(Edited to add: Since this was posted over the weekend, I've learned that...yes, indeed...Sam Peckinpah not only directed over a half-dozen first season episodes...but he, in fact, created and developed the concept of The Rifleman as a television series!)

What Community Organizers Do

First of all...thank you, Lord, for one last opportunity to tee off on that philandering and fear-mongering dirtbag Rudy Giuliani (pictured). Rudy said in his RNC speech last night that he doesn't know what a community organizer does. This, of course, got a big laugh from the almost 100% rich-ass, white crowd. First of all, from where does Rudy Giulani derive the moral authority to question anybody about anything? This is a schmuck whose organizational skills include organizing NYPD and State Patrol escorts for his mistress on the taxpayers' dime. If the Republicans actually put any stock in this "family values" claptrap that they pander to the Christian right with, Rudy would never even make it onto the stage. He'd be up in the cheap seats, next to Levi "fuckin' redneck" Johnston, swapping roofie stories and shocker techniques. Instead, since it was Red Meat Night at the RNC, they decided to trot out Mitt Romney and Rudy, two already despised-and-rejected Republican primary washouts, to show their asses. Mittens was his usual douchey self, leaving a trail of vinegary footprints to and from the podium...but Rudy had a question. So let's answer it.

What do community organizers do? Well, Rudy...do you remember, back in 1988, how George W. Bush used his State of the Union address to urge idealistic young people to step in and fill the gaping void left in social services by Reagan-era budget cuts? That's exactly what Barack Obama did on Chicago's South Side. He went in there and assured workers who had lost their jobs that they were not forgotten. He convinced successful businesspeople to invest in at-risk neighborhoods. He registered tons of voters and invested them in the political process. He offered hope and optimism to people who needed it badly. Obama was, in fact, what Bush himself (with a little help from noted wordsmith Peggy Noonan) referred to as a Point of Light. Now you Republicans...Rudy, Mitt, Sarah, McCain...you go ahead and mock that all you want. Beats the hell out of running on the issues for you guys, that's for damn sure.

But, you know what? Now that I think on it...just wait until November 4. On that day, the Republicans will damn skippy find out first-hand what community organizers do.

Random Thoughts On The Palin Speech

1. She certainly closes up any GOP "arrogance gap" with Obama.

2. Her bland, Peggy Hill-like looks are overrated. Nice stems, though.

3. Evangelicals/Wingnuts will love her act. Swing voters, maybe not.

4. She knows how to deliver a laundry list of Things We Disdain.

5. And now, we'll see how she is with issues.

6. That's right...I forgot...This election isn't about issues.

7. Who's on top of this ticket, anyway? Remind me again.

8. All of a sudden, the GOP now loves good speech-givers?

9. The sarcasm and mockery isn't going to play. Not this year.

Levi Johnston: Hockey Superstar

"Johnston cuts loose a seed! Straight into the five-hole!"

"Johnston: Two minutes for a below-the-waist check."

"Johnston with the textbook poke check!"

"Johnston's not known as a diver but here's a situation where he would've been much better off just going down."

"Johnston: Five minutes for an illegal butt-ending."

"That goalie should know...you can't close your legs tight enough to keep Johnston out of there."

"Johnston with much more than just the tip of his stick clearly in the crease."

"Johnston got his shaft on the biscuit...just not enough rubber."

About The Obama Speech Tonight

I'm not sure that I have anything to add to the sentiment expressed so eloquently by the above artwork. I'd love to be able to credit the original creator but, as near as I can tell, it's been floating around the intertubes so freely the last couple of months that its much-deserved creative credit has somehow fallen through the cracks. Whoever you are, be you dude or dudette, you rock.

So I've Got That Goin' For Me...Which Is Nice

Okay...I'm snuggling up with Zoe as I put her to bed tonight:

Me (whispering): "I've got the best little girl in the whole wide world."

Zoe (whispering): "And I've got the best Daddy in Winterville."

Gee...thanks, kid!

You Down With DNC? (Yeah, You Know Me!)

With the Democratic convention getting cranked up tonight, I figured it was time to pop off about politics again. I haven't blogged about the presidential race lately because...well, frankly...because the subject tears my nerves up. Look at where we're at now: A Republican president with historically abysmal approval ratings. Democrats holding a big lead in party self-identification. An unpopular war rages on while the economy tanks...all under George W. Bush's watch. And yet, this race is still anybody's for the taking (at least according to the polls) right now. We'll see how things shake down after Labor Day...but I still just can't see McCain shaking all the historical trends working against him in this election. Besides the bad news I just outlined, he also has meta-narratives to overcome. Young always beats old. Change always beats more of the same. Among McCain and Obama supporters, the passion gap is massive. Did you see the response to Obama after his speech in Germany? After the Biden introduction speech? Unreal. Do you see anyone straining, leaning wayyy out over the barricades, extending their fingers as far as they'll stretch...just for a touch from McCain? I mean, the answer to that isn't just "No"...it's "Eww."

But here's some random junk heading into the convention:

- The Republicans are dispatching The Douchenozzle Brothers, Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney, to Denver in hopes of grabbing some press. Way to expend some political capital there, RNC. The two highest-profile flameouts from the Republican primaries. Those two, and their Sunday morning talk show ideological cronies better watch themselves. If the GOP ever wants to get an African-American vote for the next several generations or so, need to be a little more self-aware about how much open enjoyment and delight they seem to be taking while kneeing Obama in the groin.

- It's touching that Senator McCain feels so badly about Hillary being "passed over" for a spot on the Democratic ticket. Of course, he still has a slot open on his own ticket, doesn't he? It'd suit me just fine. I'm fed up with her clenched-teeth praise for Obama, anyway. Oh...and don't forget to take fucking Debra with you, too...

- I like the Biden pick...and I'm praying that McCain takes Romney. Joe would make him cry at the debate. Besides, Mittens would be a never-ending source of 30-second ad fodder.

Quick Thoughts On "The Day"

Yesterday, "The Day That Never Comes"...the first official, completed track from Metallica's upcoming Death Magnetic album was made available for download. (You can also just stream it on the 'Talllica website, if you prefer.) At first listen...and I say that after several listens, actually...I'd say "TDTNC" sounds like what would happen if "Fade To Black" and "One" had a baby that was raised on the Load album by its foster parents, "The Unforgiven" and "The Unforgiven II." That, by the way, is a compliment. The St. Anger coffee can drums are history, guitar solos are back in a big way and...good god...Het's soaring lead vocal is to die for. A very nice surprise given how strained and croaky he's sounded at just about every show this summer (except Bonnaroo...you got a good one, Jamer). There's a suprisingly melodic bassline courtesy of the new guy, Robert Trujillo, and the song simply feels epic.

The biggest issue I had was with the crappy sonic quality of every online version of "TDTNC" I could find. Granted, as is the case with so many MP3s these days, it could be a compression issue. I haven't heard "TDTNC" on the radio yet...but folks on the 'Tallica message boards say that it sounds much better being broadcast. And I imagine that it will sound even better on CD, where the all of the various musical components will have room to breathe. But I'm sure not going to pay a couple of bucks for "TDTNC" on iTunes (a service I hate, anyway) to get something tinny-sounding and clippy. Again though, I gotta reiterate...it's a fantastic song...one that's sure to kill live.

Death Magnetic streets on September 12. So far, so good, boys...

"We Are Nihilists. We Believe In NOTHING!"

Since the Georgia Bigfoot turned out to be bullshit, I'm not sure I believe in anything, either. Except maybe pro-wrestling. (sniff)

This Old Heart Of Mine [UPDATE]

I had my regular six-month check-up appointment with my cardiologist today. Things went pretty swimmingly until he remembered that, in addition to the blocked artery that was opened via angioplasty, there was a second artery that wasn't blocked yet...but one that he still thought needed to be monitored closely. He flagged me down just as I was getting ready to check out and ordered an immediate Echo Stress Test. Basically, he added an additional hour-and-a-half, much of it to be spent on a freaking treadmill, to the appointment. Great. So, I dutifully did my waiting room time (40 minutes!) before trudging once more into the echo chamber. Chest shaving ensued, along with gluing electrodes to my Sasquatchian upper-torso, smearing me with sticky goo from the ultrasound probe, and...finally...the main event, putting me on a treadmill and trying their goddamndest to make me have another heart attack.

Bottom line? It's all good. The "stented" artery from the angioplasty is holding steady and the other artery showed no signs of any additional placque or blockage. I'm fine...or I'm at least good to go for another six month. Then it'll be time for another nuclear stress test. And I've only got these twice-yearly tests and my 400-pill-per-month routine to look forward to...well...for the rest of my life, actually. If it means more time with Lauren and the kids, it's all hella worth it. Speaking of Lauren, there was one bit of terrific medical news from Dr. Agrawal today. The last thing he said to me, in fact...just as he headed out the door of the examination room: "Oh...and remember, make love every night." Sorry, baby. Doctor's orders.

Please, Lord...Let Me Have This One Thing

Offering up further proof that there's absolutely nothing they can't do, a couple of good ol' boy North Georgia shitkickers have done gone out and bagged themselves a Bigfoot. In the North Georgia mountains, no less. (Up yours, Pacific Northwest!) As you can see in the linked article, the naysayers are already out in full force...but look at that picture and tell me that's not a genuine, by-God Bigfoot. Believe me, I've seen Harry And The Hendersons enough times on HBO to know a Bigfoot when I see one. Besides, I need this to be real. The aliens are never gonna land on the White House lawn. Apparently, Nessie's never going to rise up out of the Loch and go all Cloverfield on Scotland. But is it really that much of a stretch to think there might be some kind of woolybooger out there in the woods? Come through for me, fellers. I want to believe.

Hand Over Heart, All Together Now

Juro fidelidad a la bandera
de los Estados Unidos de América,
y a la república que representa
una nación bajo Dios,
indivisible cón libertad
y justicía para todós.

Suck it, Dr. Broun.

Punch-Love Drunk

I love boxing. To me, there's nothing more exciting than the night of a big fight. Order the pay-per-view, invite some friends, pop the corn and chill the Cokes. We haven't done that in a long time...basically because there hasn't been a fight worth ordering in the last decade or so (that's a subject for another rant)...but the house parties we threw for the Bowe-Holyfield trilogy of fights are among my favorite sports memories. So you think I'd love Olympic boxing. I mean, look at the list of Team USA alumni: Evander Holyfield, Oscar De La Hoya, Joe Frazier, Sugar Ray Leonard, Pernell Whitaker, George Foreman, Roy Jones Jr., some guy named Cassius Clay...and that's barely scratching the surface.

But Olympic boxing, with its ludicrous electronic scoring system, makes me tear my hair out. There are five judges, each armed with a little gamepad-looking device that they use for tallying "clean" punches. Boxer A lands a clean punch...push Button A. It sounds simple enough...but, my god, where to begin with the glitches in scoring a fight this way? First of all, it devalues overall ring generalship and defense. What is boxing, anyway? I mean, for generations it's been nicknamed "the noble art of self-defense." What are the last instructions given by the referee before the opening bell? Is it "Remember, throw as many punches as you humanly can"? No...it's "Remember, defend yourself at all times."

Secondly, there are no extra points given for knockdowns. Inexplicable. Then there's the matter of flurries. What happens when there is a flurry of punches (a rapid-fire back-and-forth exchange) between the two fighters? Can any judge evaluate whether ten shots thrown in quick succession by two men are "clean" or not? Of course, that depends on the individual judge's definition of "clean"...which is another problem unto itself. I've seen this scenario countless times in the last couple of days: Boxer A throws a big shot. Boxer B gets his arm up to defend himself agains the shot. Boxer A's punch ends up landing 80% on Boxer B's arm and glancing 20% off the top of his head, harmlessly. The scoreboard tallies a point for Boxer A. Infuriating.

Yes, I know 10-point-must scoring (in which the winner of a round is awarded 10 points while the loser get 9 points or less) can be a farce and it leaves the door wide open for politics to influence the judging. But are you telling me that doesn't happen in gymnastics? In figure skating? And as these Olympic kids come through the system, learning to throw as many punches as they can per round with no regard for ring generalship, they aren't going to be worth watching by the time they matriculate to the professional ranks. Awarding fights purely on the basis of the number of punches thrown flat-out sucks. It lowers Olympic boxing, allegedly the pinnacle of amateur competition, down to the level of Toughman tournaments in backwater dives. Bring back "real" judging.

Hey, don't just take my word for it:

Farcical and Shameless Olympic Boxing Scoring Goes On.

Britain Coach Blasts Judges After 'Stupid' Scoring in Murray Defeat.

Boxing Judges Under Fire Again From Australians in Beijing.

She's Leaving Home (For A Few Hours, Anyway)

I know, I know...I promised from Jump Street that I wouldn't do any "Daddy Blogging." But this is a big event. Things are about to change and stay changed for the next 14 years. Long story short? I just can't wrap my head around Zoe starting Pre-K next week. Has it really been four years since I picked her up for the first time? All 3-pounds-and-change of her (she was born six weeks ahead of schedule). I can't stand for her to be out of my sight. When she spends the night over at "Grammy's house," I wonder what she's doing...what she's thinking...what she's eating or drinking...when she's going to bed...is she asleep yet? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? And now I'm getting ready to turn her over, for six hours every day, to people I don't know. People I've never even met (not yet, anyway).

Of course, Zoe's over the moon about the whole thing. She can't wait. She talks about all the little friends she's going to make...all of her future sleepover pals. Me? I obsess over crazy little details like, "Who's going to open those big school doors for her? Do they have somebody who does that?" Let me tell you...the folks are going to love me at Open House next week at Winterville Elementary when I whip that one out. Actually, who am I kidding? They've heard all the stupid questions many times over. They're very lucky. They're getting one swell kid in Zoe Jane Holcomb. I'm even sure that I'll eventually stop thinking about them as The Lousy Bastards Who Are Taking My Baby Girl Away.

Meanwhile, it'll be Gabey and me holding down the fort during the day. Total Sausage Fest. We'll be able to watch Superman and wrestling DVDs all day. Best of all, though? I'll be getting him dressed after lunch so we can go pick up his big sister from Pre-K. Those two....let me tell you...people ask me all the time how much I enjoy taking care of the two of them. And I always give them the same answer, "Dude...it's totally the other way around."

This Is Sooo Not Me

Once? I chuckle at it. Twice? Okay...weird. But three times in the last week or so, I've been on the receiving end of e-mails intended for this guy. Once about donating some autographed CDs to charity and two booking inquiries. While I briefly considered sending my prospective bookers a lengthy and lurid contract rider demanding a dressing room stocked with midget porn, every lubricant known to man, and a 55-gallon drum of pure grain alcohol, I ended up shooting them back a politely worded "You got the wrong Mike Holcomb" missive. I can only wonder if Gospel Mike ever gets e-mails ragging him about being a pro-wrestling fan and urging him to update his damn blog every once in a while.

50 Random Thoughts On "The Dark Knight"

After refusing to wade into the record-breaking opening weekend crowds and being severe thunderstormed-out on two previous attempts earlier this week, I finally saw The Dark Knight last night. Multiple geekgasms. Twenty-four hours later, there are so many ideas and impressions spinning around in my head that I don't think I'd be able to write a coherent proper review. So I turn to the blogger's best friend...the big honkin' list. Most of these items are positive...but there are a few nitpicks and one or two actual complaints. (WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND...Don't read this if you haven't seen TDK and you want to be unspoiled. Fair warning.) Let's get after it:

1. A week of reading glowing reviews and talking to friends who had seen it left me wondering if The Dark Knight could live up to the hype and if it had any surprises for me left in it. Well, it blew past the hype and...yes...there were plenty of surprises.

2. It is easily the best comic book hero movie ever made (moving past, for my money, Spider-Man 2 and X2: X-Men United).

3. TDK is also one of the very best crime dramas I've ever seen. It is very densely plotted and features many lengthy procedural segments. It's nice to see The World's Greatest Detective doing some actual detective work.

4. Heath Ledger created a Joker who had audience members visibly squirming every time he got within arm's length of another onscreen character. If you thought Jack Nicholson was more clown than Clown Prince of Crime, then TDK's (and Ledger's) Joker is good for what ails you.

5. Aaron Eckhart comes close to stealing the movie as Gotham D.A. Harvey Dent. This is a Batman movie featuring Harvey Dent...in which you end up rooting for him to not become Two-Face. It's a heartbreaking character arc and a terrific performance from Eckhart.

6. Director Christopher Nolan, showing off his flair for verisimilitude and realism, leaves the origin of The Joker up in the air (no vat of acid) and gives Harvey Dent pre-scarring references to his lucky coin and the nickname "Two-Face." Very well-done.

7. A recurring notion for me throughout TDK was the film's many callbacks and seeming homages to the work of legendary director John Ford. For instance, the memorial service for Harvey Dent and the covering up of his misdeeds echoed the ceremony and cover-up for Henry Fonda's Lt. Col. Owen Thursday at the end of Ford's Fort Apache. Both characters were buried as "heroes" in the interest of maintaining morale.

8. TDK's composers, Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard came up with a great recurring musical motif for The Joker. Whenever Joker goes into his "Wanna know how I got these scars?" routine, a cacophony of strings begins buzzing like an insect...growing louder and increasingly high-pitched as his tirade continues. It's evocative of Bernard Herrmann's classic work on Psycho.

9. Commissioner Fucking Gordon just rules all. Up until Nolan took over the Batman film franchise, it was infuriating to see what directors Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher had done to Gordon...one of the most vital and interesting characters in the Batman mythology. Gary Oldman's Gordon gets it so right...kicking ass on his own and serving as Batman's closest battlefield ally.

10. I also love Nolan and Christian Bale's fresh take on Bruce Wayne...making him a raging, narcissistic asshole. This schmuck is the last guy in Gotham you'd suspect of being Batman.

11. Lucius Fox's response to Bruce's request for a new cowl: "You want to be able to turn your head, don't you?" I know that Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, and George Clooney...none of whom were able to turn their heads even an inch in their Bat-suits...got a laugh out of that line.

12. That said...I wasn't nuts about the new, helmet-style cowl. Or the new suit in general.

13. More John Ford: The debate over who was the better choice for handling lawlessness, the lawyer or the vigilante?...was also a prevalent theme in Ford's The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

14. As much as I admired Zimmer and Howard's work, I'm bugged that Nolan's films don't feature an instantly recognizable "Batman Theme." Danny Elfman's Batman theme (from the Burton films) is one of my all-time favorite pieces of movie music.

15. In the acting department, I guess Maggie Gyllenhaal is a step or two up from Katie Holmes in Batman Begins. In the looks department? Many, many steps down.

16. The Bat-Pod, while cool, was impractically designed. One of these days, Batman is going to get his cape caught in the back tire. Put a fender on that thing before your neck gets snapped, Bruce!

17. Michael Caine = Best. Alfred. Ever.

18. More John Ford: The skyscrapers of Gotham and the streets below served to frame the film's action every bit as much as the ever-present mesas and valleys in Ford's films.

19. Eric Roberts. I'm just always happy to see Eric Roberts in anything. One of the immortal hambones of modern cinema. Refer to The Pope of Greenwich Village for further proof.

20. So many reviewers have referred to TDK's ending as bleak and hopeless. The people of Gotham defied The Joker. They didn't "eat each other" when given the opportunity, as he predicted they would. That's a very hopeful ending.

21. I would've loved more Cillian Murphy...but even bringing back Scarecrow for just a cameo was a nice touch.

22. Looks like Gotham didn't rebuild that ultra mack daddy elevated train system from Batman Begins.

23. The mayor of Gotham was a total dink. Aren't all mayors in movies dinks? Who was the last heroic or even sympathetic mayor in a movie?

24. And the mayor was played by Nestor Carbonell...who played Batman knockoff "Bat Manuel" in the live-action TV version of The Tick. Ha, ha!

25. The opening bank heist reminded me of Heat.

26. Having William Fichtner on hand as the badass, shotgun-wielding, mob bank manager reminded me of Heat.

27. Batman and The Joker ending up across a table from each other reminded me of Heat.

28. I loved the film's emphasis on real-time practical special effects. (Of course, when the DVD comes out, I'll probably learn that most of it was actually CGI...)

29. More John Ford: The decision to cover-up Harvey Dent's crimes was, I thought, a callback to the famous "Print the legend" ending of The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

30. I didn't think the Coleman Reese subplot was fleshed out properly. I've seen speculation online that Reese's character might become The Riddler. Ehhh...I don't see it.

31. While watching TDK, I never really thought about Ledger's death until The Joker's line to Batman near the end of the film: "I think you and I are destined to do this forever." If only...

32. I have to give credit to Ain't It Cool News Talkbacker "antonphd" for coming up with the idea originally...but, fuck yes, Aaron Eckhart for Captain America. That movie's already on the books...sign Eckhart up for it, taco pronto.

33. Batman = The Dark Knight. Harvey Dent = "Gotham's White Knight." Again...good stuff.

34. Spontaneous audience applause when Gordon turns up alive and nabs The Joker. I can't remember the last time I heard that kind of reaction in a theater.

35. Why does the Batmobile always have to get destroyed? And they totaled a Lamborghini! My inner gearhead was crying...

36. After Batman saved Rachel from falling...he didn't seem too concerned about Bruce Wayne's guests still being terrorized upstairs by The Joker and his gang, did he?

37. Memo to Christopher Nolan: Listen. No Robin. Ever. This is non-negotiable.

38. Another intriguing online discussion/controversy: Is Harvey Dent dead? Or was he shipped out to Arkham Asylum while Gotham was told he was dead? We know Commissioner Gordon has no qualms about conspiracies and cover-ups. Hell, we thought he was dead for half the movie...

39. Heath Ledger will win that posthumous Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Etch it in stone.

40. And I won't be surprised if Aaron Eckhart is nominated for the same award. Hell, I'll be disappointed if he isn't.

41. I can't believe Wal-Mart and Target are chockablock with TDK toys. You are nuts...NUTS...if you take a child under the age of 13 or so to this flick. This sucker is a hard PG-13.

42. "Watch me make this pencil disappear."

43. There's never been a comic book hero movie with TDK's body count. The stakes are raised every time The Joker strikes and there is a genuine feeling of helplessness at the film's end with the bomb-rigged ferryboats and the hostages in the high-rise.

44. Having a morally uncompromised character like Lucius Fox (and a universally beloved actor like Morgan Freeman), clash with Bruce/Batman over the ethics of his methodology gave that particular conflict a ton of credibility.

45. Another memo to Nolan: Don't even think of re-casting The Joker at some point. Heath Ledger retired the jersey. Maybe a decade or so down the road...if a movie adaptation of The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel is ever made...maybe then I'd accept another actor as an aged Joker.

46. I get serious Patrick Bateman/American Psycho (a movie I love, BTW) flashbacks whenever Bale goes into "asshole Bruce Wayne" mode. Fire up some Huey Lewis and The News..."Is that a raincoat you're wearing?"

47. As much as I loved TDK, I actually think the mental image I'll carry most vividly from that night at the movies is the little kid on Ben Stiller's shoulders, stabbing him repeatedly in the neck, from the Tropic Thunder trailer. That movie looks piss-yourself hilarious.

48. Nice character-establishment moment: Bruce Wayne dumping his drink off the side of the building at the Harvey Dent fundraiser. Bruce knows he could be eye-to-eye with rough trade at any time of any night. He can't be impaired.

49. One more shout-out for Aaron Eckhart before signing off. I, too, believe in Harvey Dent.

50. If you haven't seen The Dark Knight yet, do so at your earliest convenience.

Heard Any Good "Knock Knock" Jokes Lately?

Stone-cold serious question. Lately, Zoe's been all about the "knock knock" jokes. She's four now....and she's experiencing the zazz of a well-delivered punch line for the first time. I have no doubt that she's well on the way to becoming Winterville Elementary Pre-K's Ralph Malph when she starts in a couple of weeks. Like all good raconteurs, Zoe is down with the classics. Here are the hot "knock knock"-ers in her rotation right now:

- "Dwayne." "Dwayne who?" "Dwayne the bathtub...I'm dwowning!"

- "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry. It's just a silly 'knock knock' joke."

- "Little old lady." "Little old lady who?" "I didn't know you could yodel."

- And the meta zinger: "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

So, back to the question...Anybody heard any good "knock knock" jokes lately? Give me some fresh material while Zoe still has time to work on it before Pre-K starts. Remember, she's only four years old...so don't be suggesting the blue stuff. That means you, "Dick Hertz." (Pic courtesy of The Rip Post)